All of Me
by JMLHCPKSfan
Summary: Logan has a dream while vacationing on the beaches of California- a dream that makes his heart thunder and butterflies fill his stomach. When he finds the man from his dreams giving surf lessons, quiet and shy Logan Mitchell decides to step out of his comfort zone to meet him.
1. Dreaming Of Him

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

**Welcome to yet another story! This is something a little different than what I've ever done before, and I hope that you guys like the change. I'm exploring my writing abilities, if you will. :) Thank you to Theweirdblond for helping me with this and telling me that I need a change, and thanks to ****waitingFORthePERFECTsong9092****, ****ferschneider261, ****4ever with Kames****, and ****LoganLover96**** for all of your help and suggestions!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

My best friend Kendall was close on my tail as I opened the hotel room door, the smell of clean linens and saltwater rushing out at us. Kendall pressed me into the room and snaked past me, eager to get this vacation started. We had been saving for this cross-country vacation for years, and now here we were in a little Holiday Inn Suite celebrating graduating high school. It was exciting. So why was I so nervous?

"Logan! Look how awesome!" Kendall jumped onto the bed, spreading his arms and legs and taking in a deep breath. I think he always knew when I was thinking too hard and somehow distracted me. "This is so cool. We're here _alone_! No adults!"

I put my suitcase against the wall and looked around. It was a small room, but very neat and clean. There was a little kitchen area, a big bathroom, a TV, and two beds. We saved a lot of money by getting a plain room instead of a condo- now we had money for better food and shopping.

Together we saved over a thousand dollars since sophomore year when we agreed to take a trip the summer after senior year. With it so far we've gotten plane tickets and a week of staying in this hotel.

"Let's hit the beach!" Kendall beamed, sitting up. We were polar opposites- he was always care-free and excited while I was more cautious and conserved.

"Can I take a nap first?" I groaned. I was exhausted from the flight here. Kendall's face screwed up in a familiar "What are you talking about, that's stupid!" look.

"You can nap on the beach!"

"Kendall, we have a whole week to go to the beach," I reasoned, going to the window and pulling back the curtains, showing a gorgeous view of the California beach. People littered the tan sand and grayish water, but I was glad to see that it wasn't too crowded.

"Fine. I'll go alone," he said, getting up and going for his suitcase, knowing I wouldn't have that.

I bit my lip, knowing I couldn't let him go alone. He would no doubt end up in some girl's hotel room drunk and unaware. The only reason his mother allowed him to come unsupervised was because I would be there, and I didn't want to let Mama Knight down.

"Okay, okay," I gave in. "Let's go to the beach."

* * *

As soon as my bare feet hit the warm tan sand I was relaxed. The stresses of graduating high school were melted away with a howl from Kendall, who charged for the water. I laughed and rolled my eyes behind my blue hipster sunglasses, walking behind him to find a place to lay out my beach blanket.

Kendall had just gotten out of a bad relationship with his two-year-girlfriend Jo, who decided it was best to break up after she was accepted to a university in New Hampshire. Kendall told me that here in California, he was a new man and he would definitely get out there and meet new girls. "Beach babes" as he called them.

He was already knee-deep in the water, joining a group of girls with big butts and boobs and little bikinis, one already claiming him with an arm around his waist upon arrival. He looked her over and gave a dimply grin, putting a pale arm over her shoulders.

I spread my blanket out and sat, taking a deep breath of salty air and smiling. I could get used to this.

Looking over the beach, I decided that at some point I needed to take out my sketchpad and make something out of this beauty. I loved to draw and sketch- it felt like more of an emotional connection than taking a picture. My sketchbook was full of scenes from my house, like the backyard and the old swingset that hasn't been used in years, and people like Kendall and my mom. Mostly I didn't like to color the pictures- sometimes it ruins it- but I thought that I would color the one of the beach. There were such extreme colors here that I couldn't pass up the opportunity.

I rubbed sunscreen over my skin, around my tank top. Now that I was here and seeing all the tan and muscular guys, I definitely wasn't taking off my shirt. Kendall had no problem, but at least he had hockey muscles to make up for his pasty Minnesota complexion. Being hockey manager didn't give me too much muscle mass to show for it.

Behind the safety of my glasses, I watched the other beachgoers. I knew a lot of them must be tourists like Kendall and I, but some looked like locals with deep tans and beautiful faces. A lot of the guys were simply gorgeous, with sparkling smiles, rippling muscles, perfect hair, and huge egos. Yeah, they were pretty, but not my type. I liked the sweet ones, and I had a feeling there weren't many of those here.

I felt someone sit beside me, too close for my comfort. I turned to my right, seeing a guy sitting there, randomly using my sunscreen.

"Where are you from?" he asked without looking at me. He was really tan with black hair and trunks on, a nice and average muscle mass going on. Obviously Latino.

"Um…"

"Somewhere cold. You're pale," he said, looking over at me. I covered my arms self-consciously, although I didn't know the guy. "I'm Carlos. I work here- give surf lessons."

He gestured to a hut about ten feet away, marked "surf shop" with surfboards and wetsuits inside.

"Just waiting on my next guy," he explained.

"And you decided you were getting burned?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"Do I know you?"

"Yeah. I'm Carlos. I just told you that."

"Why did you just come sit here? You don't know me."

"Well jeez, normally people don't care this much about someone being friendly," he said irritably, but immediately smiled again. "It's cool. Sometimes I come on too strong. Are you gay?"

I blushed but laughed a little at the irony of his last few sentences. Saying he came on too strong then coming on waaaay too strong.

"I mean, I just saw you staring at that guy," he said, pointing to Kendall. "And I figured you were checking him out, but you're both equally pale so maybe he's your boyfriend. Although it wouldn't make sense that he's feeling up those girls."

"No, he's my friend. I came here with him."

"So then why aren't you over there with him? I know those girls would love another guy to give them attention to bask in," Carlos smirked.

"Not my type."

"Not your type?" Carlos exclaimed. "Dude! Those chicks are prime. Good boobs, good butts, good hair. If that's not your type, you _must _be gay."

I looked over at him, silent, telling him that I was gay without really telling him.

"Oh. Sorry, man," Carlos laughed sheepishly.

"It's okay."

"There's no reason to be scared about it," he shrugged. "Maybe where you're from. But here, being gay is almost normal."

I was overcome with a feeling of relief. Maybe it was confiding in this stranger about my sexuality, or maybe it was that he told me I was accepted here. I didn't know. I had never been in a place where I felt that I could be open about my sexuality, and he made me feel like it was no big deal. Maybe it wasn't.

"I don't know how old you are, but there's this gay club about a mile down the street. It's really fun, and you could take your buddy, too, it's straight-friendly, but the girls won't like him hitting on them," he laughed. "You might check it out. Even if you're not 18, you look old enough. They won't check your ID."

"I don't think so."

"Yeah, you seem shy," he shrugged. "Do you wanna take surf lessons?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I prefer to just sit here. I like it," I shrugged.

"Okay. Well if you change your mind, the hut's just right there," he said, pointing to the hut. "My guy's here. I hate giving lessons to guys. It gets awkward, you know?"

I smiled at that, and he seemed to light up.

"You have a pretty smile," he said, getting up and dusting off his trunks. "I'll see you, man."

"See you."

I watched him jog over to the guy and use his charm to win the man over.

The people here were either sort of rude looking or really friendly, obviously. Kendall seemed to be having fun with these "beach babes", though.

I laid out on the striped blanket, loving the warm sun on my face as I put in my earbuds and turned on some music. I kept thinking about Carlos and how nice he was, and how his talk with me sort of cheered me up.

Next thing I knew, I was drifting off.

* * *

_I was in a set of strong arms, slow music playing in the background. My heart was pounding happily as whoever was holding me swayed me to the beat. It was "All Of Me" by John Legend, one of my favorite songs._

_"I love you," the sweet male voice said in my ear, and my heart jumped in excitement. His head pulled away and I looked up into a beautiful smiling face. Lights twinkled in the background, and we were alone on a wooden dance floor._

_I couldn't make out the color of his eyes, but I knew they were some sort of brown. His skin was a pretty olive, teeth straight and white, hair short and chestnut brown._

_Then he was leaning in, kissing me, and I swear I must have had a heart attack._

_He hummed in content before nipping at my lip and bringing me closer, continuing to dance._

_I never bothered to wonder who this guy was or why he loved me. You never do when you're dreaming, because in a dream it all makes sense. I never asked his name. I just danced with him without a worry in the world._

_His big hands caressed the curve of my side and I let him brush my ass before coming back up. I could feel his breath on my hair and hear him hum slightly along to the song._

_His face turned and he kissed my temple, and I looked up at him to meet his lips in another sweet kiss._

_"Are you having fun?" he asked._

_"Yes."_

_"Good. Me, too."_

_I don't know why he asked that, but I didn't care._

_"I can feel your heart," he laughed, a tinkling, almost high-pitched and childish giggle. "You're so excited."_

_"So in love," I answered, but I didn't really think about it, I think my dream made me say it. The man giggled again and kissed my nose._

_"I love you, too, Logie."_

* * *

I started awake, feeling my sunglasses being removed from my face.

My heart was still beating hard, the happiness from the dream draining from me as I realized it was just that- a dream. I didn't remember exactly what the dream was about. I was mad- if it made me feel that good, I wanted to at least know why.

"Sorry, bud," Kendall said as I sat up. "I didn't want you to have tan lines."

"Oh," I said sleepily, rubbing my face and feeling that I was getting a little bit burnt on my cheeks. "Thanks."

His hands were then on my face, rubbing sunscreen on my cheeks and nose. He really was a great best friend. As straight as an arrow, but at times like these he didn't really care if people thought we were together. He was caring.

"Maybe you should rent an umbrella," he suggested, pointing to a rental stand nearby.

"It's okay," I said, shaking my head. "What happened to your new girlfriend?"

Kendall laughed and shook his head, spreading sunscreen on himself now.

"She ditched me. It's cool- plenty more to choose from," he said with a shrug. "Wanna come walk? Check out the selection?"

I laughed and rolled my eyes, putting my sunglasses back on.

"I'm not here for guys."

"Why not?"

"Because all there would be is sex. And even if we had a connection, I live across the country," I explained. "It's just a bad idea."

"You can still flirt. Get experience," he suggested. "Who was that cute guy over here earlier?"

"A surf instructor. It was the weirdest thing- he just sat down and started using my sunscreen," I said. "He talked to me for a while. He was really nice. Not gay, though."

"Damn," he grumbled before smirking. "Are you having fun, though?"

A faint bell seemed to ring in my head at that question, and I knew that there was something about it in my dream. Remembering the whole dream was just at the edge of my mind, but not there yet.

"I am," I answered with a nod.

"Good. Me, too."

I would have preferred to go to a cabin in the mountains or maybe somewhere like England with rich history and art, but Kendall wanted to come here. We had been saving money for this trip since sophomore year, and now we were here to celebrate graduating high school. It wasn't as classy as the mountains or Britain with all these half-naked, half-drunken people, but Kendall liked it so I did, too.

* * *

"What should we do tomorrow?" Kendall asked. We were sitting at a tall table on the porch of a beach restaurant, the sun setting and lights glowing everywhere in the restaurant.

"The beach, obviously," I said. "And I wanna see the Hollywood sign."

"That's pretty far away, Loge," Kendall said doubtfully.

"You don't wanna go?"

Kendall shrugged in that way that told me that he didn't want to tell me the truth, but he was trying to break it to me lightly.

"Okay… I can go alone," I said softly.

"C'mon, don't be like that."

"We came here together, Kendall! I'd like to be with you!"

Kendall sighed and put his cheek on his knuckles, picking at his food.

"I know, I know," he grumbled. "I'm being a horrible friend."

"No you're not," I sighed. "You couldn't even if you tried."

Kendall smirked gratefully at me, then he perked up.

"I like this song," he said, cocking his head to hear over the noisy surroundings. "You have this on your iPod."

I closed my eyes, trying to hear the song he was talking about. I heard bits and pieces, and as soon as I identified the slow song- "All Of Me"- the dream came rushing back.

That must have been the song that was playing on my iPod while I was dreaming. The song I danced to with that man.

"I remember it," I said, suddenly, pulling my sketchbook and pencil out of my backpack and flipping to a blank page.

"Remember what?"

"My dream that I was having before you woke me up on the beach."

I closed my eyes, thinking about what the man looked like. I didn't know how much longer I would be able to make out his features, so my hand sketched busily to get down his face.

"I was dancing with this guy," I said, looking down at the paper as I drew. "Slow-dancing to this song. And he kissed me and told me he loves me. And-"

I stopped, blushing. Sure, Kendall was my best friend, but I had never talked about boys to ANYONE, much less him. I was embarrassed for having said that so casually.

"That. Is. So. Sweet," Kendall said like a mother before her child's first dance. "Was he hot?"

I was silent, just focusing on the drawing.

"Logie, I had no idea you wanted something mushy like that," Kendall said. "How come you don't talk BOYS with me?"

"Because that's embarrassing."

"So what? I told you when I had my first wet dream!"

"Because we were eleven and didn't know what happened," I reasoned with a smirk. "That's different."

"I'm so open with you and you never tell me any secrets."

"Not true. I told you I'm gay," I pointed out. "You were the first to know."

Kendall sighed and twisted his lips, seeing that there was no way to argue with that.

I looked down at my finished sketch, finding that the memory of the dream made me happy. I smiled a little at the friendly face with the dark hair and kind eyes.

"I just wonder where I've seen him before," I said as Kendall took the picture to look at it. "You know you can only dream about people you've encountered."

"Probably on TV or in a porno," Kendall said, staring at the face, seemingly impressed. "Probably not in Minnesota, that's for sure. Even I would have remembered someone like that."

I laughed and rolled my eyes, taking back the picture before Kendall could fall in love with my dream guy.

"You need to meet someone," Kendall said as I slipped my sketchbook and pencil into my backpack. "Someone sweet and fun and protective to be with forever. Someone like me, except who's Team Hotdog and isn't me."

"I don't want a boyfriend."

"Why not?"

"Because college is coming up soon and I won't have time for him."

"What if you meet the love of your life and you just pass him up for school?"

"The love of my life will be at school, too."

"Maybe not. He won't have to be smart if he's with you, Logie," Kendall sang. "I bet he's not gonna be in school."

I sighed and shrugged, not knowing about the future and not caring to think too deeply about it.

"You just need to loosen up. Smile more- you dimples are what'll get em."

"Is that how it works for you?"

"Oh yeah. The ladies love em."

"If I meet someone here that I really like, I'll have to go back home and forget about him," I sighed, looking out over the beach absent of people. "I don't want that."

"You can get his number. C'mon, Logie. You're even considering a school over here, maybe you could do that," he suggested.

"But this school isn't as good," I sighed.

"Whatever. You don't have to fall in love, Logan," Kendall reasoned. "But you never will if you don't start flirting and getting into the dating world. You have to practice!"

I chuckled and rolled my eyes, taking a bite of my food.

"Just come out of your shell is all I ask," Kendall said seriously. "The rest will happen on its own."

* * *

**So there's Chapter 1! I hope you liked it and can see where this will be going! :D It might be a little short in the end, but good nonetheless!**


	2. Meeting James

**Thank you all for your support on the first chapter! I'm glad you're excited for this story, I am, too! :)**

* * *

"Logie," Kendall said thoughtfully from beside me, where we were sitting on the shore of the beach early the next morning. "I think we need to talk about something."

I peered up at him, absent of sunglasses because it was sort of a cloudy day and I didn't need them.

"I wanna get some tail down here," he said frankly. "I'm a free man now, and all these girls seem so willing. And I know you don't want me going off to their places, cause that's dangerous, and-"

"If you bring a girl back to the room, I'll hang out in the lobby or something," I promised. "It's no big deal."

"Really?" he asked in relief. "I'm so glad you understand. And if you bring a guy back, I'll do the same."

"As if," I laughed, rolling my eyes.

Kendall drew with his finger in the sand between us absently. I knew he was pouting secretly- he wanted to go explore and meet new people, but he didn't want to be a "bad friend" and leave me again. I sighed and smirked.

"Go ahead," I said. "Keep your phone with you."

"I'll be back for lunch," he said excitedly, getting up, pausing, and smashing a quick kiss to my cheek. "Love you, buddy. Try to have fun."

"I'm having fun."

He went back to where my beach blanket was set up and slung his backpack over his shoulders before hurrying off.

I turned back to the ocean. It was about 9 AM and there weren't many people out yet. I was watching a man taking surf lessons, and doing pretty horribly at it I might add. But I wasn't watching him, I was watching his teacher.

The teacher was probably tall, considering there was a little girl near him and the water was up to her neck while his waist was inches above. Very tan, like most of the other people, muscles rippled over his torso, showing abs and rib muscles to kill, with great biceps. When he talked, I could see that his teeth were beautiful, and his hair was dark and short, pushed back and wet. Mirrored aviator sunglasses hid a lot of his face, but I could tell that he was gorgeous. Out of my league, too.

I got up and went back to sit on my blanket, getting my sketchpad out and deciding to start sketching the beach. I also took note that I wanted to sketch the surf shop, too, if there was time.

I put on some music through my headphones as I worked, glancing up often to look at the scenery and occasionally checking on my surf instructor over there.

Eventually the man that was getting surfing lessons was gone, and the instructor was left sitting on the board, bobbing up and down. He took off his sunglasses to rub his face, then run his fingers through his hair.

As soon as he opened his eyes and looked around without the sunglasses, my blood ran cold.

Not taking my eyes off of him, I flipped back to the sketch of the guy from my dream, holding it up to compare the two.

There were a few differences, from where my drawing was inaccurate, but I knew that he was the guy that I dreamt about. He was the one who told me he loved me and kissed me and held me and made my heart flutter even after I woke up.

I needed to meet him. I needed to see if his voice sounded the same as it had in the dream, if his arms felt the same, if his kiss was the same…

Wait. This is a complete stranger and I'm thinking about kissing him!

I tore my eyes away from the guy to start sketching again, deciding not to do anything about it. I would just watch him, that's it.

* * *

As promised, Kendall was back for lunch, which we ate at the same nearby restaurant as we ate dinner at the night before. He told me about a girl he met, and how she was amazing and reminded him of Jo. I had to reiterate what he said to me- that he was a free man and he was here to exercise that. He paused for a second before smiling and shrugging, telling me he forgot to get her number anyway.

"I found the guy from my dream," I said, swallowing a bite of my sandwich. "I mean it's him in the flesh."

"Really?" he asked excitedly. "Did you recognize him from anywhere?"

"Nope," I laughed, shaking my head.

"Just hope you didn't see him at a family reunion or something," he smirked. I wondered if eventually I would learn where I had seen the man before to make me dream of him. "Did you talk to him?"

"No way."

"Why not? Was he with another guy?"

"No. He's a surf instructor- he was busy anyway."

That was only partly a lie. Most of the day he was with a customer, but he left around the time that I did. I had plenty of chances to go up and talk to him.

"Damn. Was he hotter in your dream or real life?" he asked.

"Real life- definitely."

"You should take surf lessons," Kendall said brightly. "Then you could hang with him and have him be touchy-feely with you and see him mostly naked and sopping wet."

I laughed and rolled my eyes, the thought both terrifying me and exciting me.

"If you're not gonna flirt the whole time you're here, at least do this," Kendall said. "How often do you find the man of your dreams in a perfect opportunity to get to know him?"

"I'd just embarrass myself. I can't surf."

"I bet you can. You're awesome at skateboarding."

I looked at him, unconvinced, his words swirling in my head. He was right. How often does someone find literally the man of their dreams?

"What if he isn't gay?" I asked, trying my damnedest to talk myself out of it.

"Who cares? You can turn him gay with a flash of those damn dimples," Kendall smirked. "And if that doesn't work, at least you can say you did it."

"Maybe I will," I said, taking another bite.

"Yes!" Kendall cheered. "I'm so excited!"

I was scared, I have to admit. I had never done anything like this- pursued someone. Especially not a guy. I was intimidated by the guy's beauty and obvious confidence, but I had to do this. We were on vacation, after all. And if nothing else, I could go home and tell my mom about the time I met the man of my dreams and made a fool of myself trying to impress him.

* * *

Kendall made sure to give me no choice. We didn't even get to our blanket before he steered me to the surf shop, an arm over my shoulders.

"I don't need your help," I hissed.

"Yes you do," he reminded me. "And I'm gonna make for damn sure you get what you want."

We walked around the surf shop to a service window, where Carlos, my "buddy" from the previous day, leaned on the counter chowing down on some corndogs for lunch. As soon as he saw me he grinned, somehow still a perfect smile through the food in his mouth.

"Hey! It's my old buddy!" he said excitedly. I smiled sheepishly and waved as Kendall pulled me to the counter. "You guys here for a couples lesson?"

"We're not together," I reminded Carlos.

"Right," Carlos winked. "What's up?"

"He wants lessons," Kendall said matter-of-factly.

"Oh, MAN! We're gonna have so much fun," Carlos began excitedly to me. "But it's not my day on the water, you'll have to wait a few days."

"I want lessons today," I spoke up.

"Why? You don't want me to teach you?" Carlos asked sadly, but immediately smiled again. "Fine. I didn't wanna teach you anyway. If you want lessons today, it'll be forty bucks for an hour, or twenty for half an hour. You'll be with James- he's on the water out there with that chick in the itsy-bitsy bikini."

Kendall and I turned to see a woman on a surfboard, basking in my dream guy's touch as he fixed her posture.

"How is two o'clock for you, bro?" Carlos asked, checking over a clipboard.

"That's in an hour," I squeaked.

"That's perfect," Kendall answered for me. Carlos gave me the clipboard and I signed my name at the two-o'clock slot for half an hour. I was a nervous wreck, expecting to have more time to prepare myself for the one-on-one time.

"Logan Mitchell. I like that name," Carlos read and smiled. "Don't worry- James is easy to talk to and you'll come out of your shell really quick. He'll meet you here at two."

* * *

I was practically shaking as I walked up to the surf shop, finding my dream-guy leaning on the service counter talking to Carlos. Carlos spotted me and smiled, waving, and the guy turned to look at me. The clouds had set in harder by then, and his sunglasses were gone to show eyes that looked brown from here.

"That's him! That's my buddy!" Carlos beamed.

"Hey," the guy smiled, turning to me to shake my hand, pausing a second just looking at me, then taking my hand. "I'm James."

I was almost drooling by the time he had shaken and dropped my hand and I decided to say something.

"Logan," I said, looking up at him. He was REALLY tall. Probably more than six feet. His handshake was firm and friendly and he obviously had no reservations about his body, comfortably wearing nothing but turquoise trunks. Now that I was closer, I could see that he was older than me. Probably in his twenties.

"Let's get started! Looks like we might get rained on," James said, looking up at the grey sky.

I trailed behind him, my eyes meticulous on him. He was all man, with his muscles and stocky gate and deep voice. I liked that, and that was the moment I realized it. I liked manly men. Someone big and strong that can protect me and hold me.

Suddenly he turned, waiting on me to catch up.

"Where are you from, Logan?" he asked as we kept walking toward the water.

"Minnesota," I said. I was trying desperately to summon the confidence and charm that Kendall suggested I use, trying to get over my shyness and infatuation.

"Really? No shit?" he asked brightly, making my heart swell. "Me, too! Minneapolis?"

"Yeah!" I smiled. Okay, a smile was a start. After all, I _did _have the dimples that seemed to work every time.

"That's so crazy that we grew up close," James admitted. We splashed into the water, the surfboard still beneath my instructor's sculpted arm. We were silent until we got deeper into the water and he told me to sit on the board so he could tow me out.

"Tell me, Logan," James said thoughtfully, looking back at me as he pulled my board along. "What made you want to take lessons? You're obviously not the surfing type."

"What does that mean?"

"Well I mean you seem shy."

"My friend's making me do it," I explained.

"How come he's making you?"

"Well he thinks I need to step out of my comfort zone."

"That's always good. Sometimes you have to try new things," he said. "Are you scared?"

"Yeah."

"Don't be."

I looked down into his friendly hazel eyes and found trust. Like he wouldn't force me into anything, and he would make sure I was okay and having fun.

"How long are you here?" he asked, laying his arms on the nose of my board and resting his chin on them.

"A week."

"Are you enjoying it so far?"

"Yeah," I smiled. "The people are friendly and the food is good. And I like the beach, too."

"That's exactly why I moved here," he said. "The people, the food, and the beach. Oh, and my mom. But that's a different story for a different day."

"Are we… Gonna surf?" I asked timidly. I hated to remind him of our task at hand, since I really didn't want to surf, but didn't want him to get into any trouble.

"Nope," he said, shaking his head and looking back to the shore.

"Why?"

"You don't want to," he shrugged. "And I'd like a break. I won't charge you for this."

"Who says I don't want to?"

"Well, you're holding onto the board for dear life for one," he pointed out, my eyes dropping to my fingers gripping the sides of the board. "And you're not very loose. And you still have a shirt on."

"What's wrong with having a shirt on?" I asked defensively.

"Nothing! It just tells me you're self-conscious, and self-conscious people typically don't like publically being thrown off of a board and into the water," he said smartly. "I could be wrong. I mean, do you want to surf?"

I hesitated, twisting my lips.

"No," I grumbled.

"Okay. Me either," he said frankly. "I mean, I love surfing, but sometimes it gets tiring. It's a helluva lot better than what's waiting for me at home, though."

Deciding not to pry, I looked up at the shore, at the big hotels and the few people daring to be on the beach at the threat of rain.

"So this is what you do?" I asked, almost breathless.

"Yeah," he said, following my gaze. "Pretty rad, right?"

"Yeah."

"Me and Carlos take turns on the water- four days a week," he said. "There're surf shops all over the beach."

"What made you want to do this?"

"I dunno. I found out a few years ago that I love to surf. Then, you know, I figured why not make some money off of it, right?" he laughed. "And I like to meet new people, too."

I looked down at James, thinking about my dream. How was it possible that even his voice was the same as in the dream? He was sweet and friendly in reality, too, just as I fantasized, and his smile had the same effect on me. Now that I was closer, I could see that his eyes weren't brown, but hazel, reflecting the storm clouds above.

I had only been with him for a few minutes, but already his warm smile and casual conversation had me feeling comfortable with him, which was hard for me.

He gave me a lopsided smile.

"What're you staring at?" he asked.

"Sorry," I said, quickly looking away. He laughed and said nothing more, probably used to being stared at.

I felt a splatter of water on my shoulder, then another on my head, then suddenly it was pouring.

"Woah. That's weird," James laughed, looking up at the grey sky. "It hardly ever rains here."

"Typical," I mumbled miserably.

"We'll be okay as long as there's no-" his words were cut off with a crack of thunder and lightning splitting the sky. "Lightning."

I hopped off of the board to help him tow it back to shore quickly to avoid electrocution. By then it was raining so hard my hair was sopping wet and the sand was like quicksand.

James pulled me into the surf shop, where he put the board away and greeted Carlos happily. He always seemed so peppy- both of them. Forever in great moods and with everlasting smiles on their faces. It was contagious, and although I wasn't smiling hugely on the outside, I felt so happy on the inside. They made me feel like I belonged with them. Like I wasn't a stranger or a customer, I was a buddy that's always there with them. I felt welcome with them.

"It's really coming down out there," Carlos said, he and James leaning on the service counter to watch the rain. I came up to look beside James, and noticed that the beach was clear of people now. There were some things left on the beach that were getting wet- beach towels, umbrellas, beach toys, etc.

"Let's go!" James said excitedly, taking off out the door. Carlos laughed and ran after him, and I watched as the two ran in circles around the beach, their arms spread and faces turned up to the rain, goofy smiles on their faces.

"C'mon, Logan!" James called to me. I laughed and shook my head, but he and Carlos kept coaxing me. I finally sighed and exited the dry safety of the surf shop, the rain immediately soaking me, warm on my skin and through my clothes.

"It's not everyday it rains here!" Carlos said to me. I liked that they had gone out of their ways to include me and make sure I didn't feel awkward.

"It's so warm," I said, my hand upturned to welcome the warm droplets. Much warmer, at least, than the rain in Minnesota.

"Don't question it!" James grinned, shoving chestnut hair from his face.

It was an amazing feeling. The warm water on my skin, the taste and smell of salt on my tongue with the roaring sound of rain hitting the ocean waves filling my ears.

Carlos let out a battle cry and took off down the beach, James laughing and looking at me before shrugging and doing the same.

Okay, I guessed I was excluded now. That's okay- they're friends, they just wanted to hang out alone is all. I tried not to feel too pouty as I went back to stand beneath the safety of the surf shop awning, which only jutted out about a foot from the tiny shop, sitting in the wet sand.

So that's what my dream guy was like. Gorgeous, friendly, playful, and free. Even though he was gone now, I was glad that I got to meet him. At least now I could say I did it.

I was almost enjoying being alone, secluded in my thoughts, when someone came running toward me, skidding in the sand and plopping down roughly beside me.

"Sorry about that," James laughed, breathing hard. "Me and Carlos are kinda like five-year-olds in twenty-two-year-old bodies. Well, he's twenty-three."

I looked over at him, trying to mask my surprise and a bit of sadness at his age. Of course I could tell that he was older than me, but I didn't know the exact age. I was just glad he wasn't twenty-eight or something. I was only seventeen and being involved with even a twenty-two-year-old would be dangerous on his end. I should drop that fantasy. Although… I would be 18 in just a little while.

But of course I couldn't even consider "being with" James. I didn't know if he was gay or not, and if he was, of course he had to have a boyfriend. Still… Just one date would be heaven.

But gosh he was pretty, with the rainwater running in little streams down his sculpted torso and soaking into the little strip of hair below his bellow button. His dark hair was soaked and pushed back carelessly, his hazel eyes filled with childlike playfulness.

He opened his mouth to say something, and I knew he was going to ask how old I was and I didn't want him to, but suddenly his beautiful eyes averted to something down the beach and a smile cracked on his face.

"Check out _that_ drunk joke," he giggled, pointing. I looked the other way to where a guy was stumbling down the shore in trunks that I knew, because they were mine borrowed by Kendall. The guy had familiar blonde hair and the same torso as… Okay, I knew exactly who it was from the point I saw him. Kendall. The fact that he was stumbling along, obviously drunk and alone, made me both angry and worried.

"Shit," I hissed, getting up. "That's MY drunk joke."

I took off into the rain and down the beach toward Kendall. It took a while for me to get to him.

"Kendall!" I growled, approaching him. He looked up at me with a pout on his face.

"Logie," he slurred, stumbling against me. "I threw up."

And suddenly he was crying into my bare shoulder, falling to the ground and taking me with him. He was sobbing, saying something I couldn't understand.

"And then I puked," he finished, clutching to me, his neck limp. I was just trying to keep his head tilted downward to keep him from drowning in the rain.

"Wow," came a laugh, and my head snapped up to James, who was falling to his knees beside Kendall. I shot him an accusing look, because no matter how pretty you are you can't be a jerk about someone's friend, and he smirked and shrugged. "Is this your boyfriend?"

"No," I said frankly, rolling my eyes. "This is Kendall. My best friend."

"He's drunk."

"Sure is."

"Is he legal?"

"Nope. Not even close."

"Damn," James said. I sighed and tried to get up.

"C'mon, Kendall. Let's get back to the room," I said loudly for my barely-conscious friend. But he wasn't budging. He just kept crying. I looked helplessly up to James and he got to his feet.

"I'll carry him," he offered.

"No, he can-" I began to tell James that Kendall could walk, but I looked down to my best friend to see that he was unconscious now. "Okay. But be careful."

James bent and effortlessly picked Kendall up bridal style, like he was a pillow or something. His muscles bulged beneath his wet skin, but his face showed utter relaxation, like the weight of the grown man in his arms was nothing.

"Keep his head tilted," I said, correcting Kendall's head. James shifted his arm to prop Kendall's head in place and I pointed out the hotel.

"I'm sorry," I groaned. "Thanks for doing this."

"It's cool," James smirked. "Drunks are kinda funny, you know? And I don't want you two getting caught and him getting in trouble for drinking. If anyone asks, he passed out on the beach, okay?"

"Not a lie."

"Not a lie at all."

* * *

I unlocked the hotel room door and held it open, James careful to enter without hitting Kendall's head on the doorframe.

"Just set him in the bathtub- he's wet and he'll end up puking anyway," I laughed a little.

I fought the thoughts of pulling James to the bed and spending the rest of the day there with his big hands clamped on my hips and my hands and knees aching from the weight put on them against the mattress and-

Okay, sorry, got a little carried away.

James shuffled into the bathroom and carefully lay Kendall in the tub, my friend's head lulling to the side like he was dead.

"Sorry about the whole… Half-naked thing," he laughed, running his hand through his wet hair. _No problem, _I wanted to say, secretly looking his body over, noting that it was only his trunks that kept him from being naked.

"Grab a towel and sit down until it stops raining," I suggested, surprised at my sudden bravery.

"I'd like to, Logan, but I'm sure Carlos is flipping his shit not knowing where I am," James grinned, turning to me. "Wanna come play in the rain some more? We can grab a beer afterward."

I opened my mouth to say that I couldn't legally drink, but stopped myself. He thought I was old enough for alcohol?

"Have you ever had a beer?" he asked.

"No."

"I could sneak you one," he winked, sending my heart thundering. "It's a little illegal, but you're on vacation, right? Your buddy here obviously took advantage."

I was a little let down yet relieved that James knew I wasn't legal. Let down because he probably wasn't interested in someone under 21 but relieved because he still winked at me and still offered to hang out with me some more.

But I had to remind myself that this was all a fantasy, that James and I wouldn't go anywhere and that I would probably be the cute little stranger friend that he and Carlos teased. I didn't want James to see me like that.

There I go again- assuming I had a chance with James and that he would possibly be interested in me.

"I think I'll get just dried off and try to wake up Sleeping Beauty over there," I said apologetically. "Thanks, though."

"Alright, dude," James said, lightly touching my arms to guide me out of his way, making my breath catch as he passed me and his touch disappeared. "I had a lot of fun with you. I'll see you around. And if you ever change your mind about me sneaking you your first beer, you know where to find me."

"Okay," I said a little too whimsically and he grinned before leaving. I sighed happily after the door was closed, feeling like my heart was flying.

A groan emitted from the tub and I sighed happily and wet a washcloth, sitting on the edge of the tub and patting Kendall's forehead with it.

"Logie, I threw up," Kendall said, voice so faint I didn't know if he said anything. He still looked dead- he had only groaned and shifted his head before then.

"I know, buddy."

"Are you mad at me? Don't be mad."

Under normal circumstances, I would be mad at him for drinking at 18 and mad at whoever gave him the alcohol. What if he hadn't made it back? But him showing up drunk had gotten me a little extra alone time with James, and that was worth it.

"No, Kendall, I'm not mad," I soothed.


	3. Reality

I spent the rest of my night sitting in my bed watching TV, Kendall miserably lying beside me, hugging my waist with his head in my lap, sleeping off his intoxication. He had thrown up only once in the toilet before waking up enough to let me dry him off (somewhat of an awkward experience) and dress him in dry clothes.

From the bed I could see the beach, and imagined James and Carlos playing out there, laughing like kids. But the rain had stopped and the beach was dark, the waves reflecting the moonlight, the stars invisible through the clouds. I guessed James and Carlos had gone to get a beer without me.

By then my chipper and whimsical mood had faded with the realization of what happened that day with James. Reality had set in, leaving me feeling sad and lonely. I really wanted to go home then, feeling like I wouldn't have any fun here from then on. But Kendall was having the time of his life- the least I could do was not drag him down.

I was a customer to James. A younger customer. He had some fun with me, joked around, made me loosen up, because that's what he's paid for. I was nothing special to him- I was another customer.

The fantasy I had in my head might as well be forgotten. I would never dance with James, be kissed by him, hear him tell me that he loves me. Hell, I might never see him again.

Tomorrow I would tell sober Kendall about James and my time with him, and he would say that I needed to pursue him further. But I wouldn't. I couldn't be such a burden to James- he wouldn't want to see me anymore. He probably assumed I knew that our time was over, just as all his other customers.

In attempt to cure my homesickness, I called my mom and told her about how the flight went the day before and the hotel and finally James. She said she was happy that I at least met him and tried to pursue him, and that she would be beyond happy if I found a boyfriend someday soon. Then she said that she was sorry, honey, but she had to go to bed. Then she said that she loved me and that I needed to try to have fun before my savings was wasted on a trip that I hated.

After hanging up, a felt a little better but still wanted to go home.

* * *

_James' POV_

My body was absolutely drained, just as it always was after a day of work. It was a good drain- like I spent my day doing something I love and I accomplished something and made money. But sometimes being drained wasn't good, because sometimes that little silver Maserati was parked in the parking lot of my apartment complex and a sense of doom washed over me in realization that my "dear" fiancé was there waiting.

Mercedes Griffin. Yaaaay. Cue the sarcasm, please.

"Fuck," I whispered, frozen in the passenger seat of Carlos' black jeep. "She's here."

"James. You better get used to it- you're marrying her," Carlos said sternly.

"Stop reminding me."

"You can't complain," he sang. "You have the power to break it off, you're just too scared."

"I'm not _scared_," I snapped. It was no use- Carlos had been my best friend since I moved here in high school and he knew me all too well.

"Besides, she's rich and famous and fucking hot."

"Maybe for you. You take her. Please?"

"I don't want her. Maybe for a night. But not forever," he said, hands up in surrender. "You wouldn't have this problem if you'd just come out."

"It's not that easy, Los."

"Yes it is. 'Mom. Mercedes. Mr. Griffin. I'm gay. Sorry, I can't marry this brat, I like cock,'" he mocked. "Easy."

"You know it's not like that," I snapped, more angrily now. "Gay isn't okay with Mom and it would mean letting her down."

"You're all she's got. She has to love you either way."

"You'd think."

"Want me to come in with you?" Carlos asked.

"No- I'm a big kid now, I can handle it," I sighed, dragging myself out of this jeep.

My apartment was nothing big- probably what you would expect of a surf instructor, plus a little from "Mommy's money", which I'm weaned off of now.

My apartment has just one bedroom and all the necessities with a few beach decorations that came with it- paintings and seashell décor. There were a few of my personal surfboards against the wall with a wetsuit, and everything else was pretty messy.

"Mercedes?" I called, knowing she was probably rifling through my bedroom for used condoms or panties that didn't belong to her or something like that. Of course she wouldn't find any. I've never even had sex with Mercedes herself- I convinced her that I was into the whole "abstinence" thing, but in reality I couldn't care less. I just didn't want to have sex with her. Like I've established, I like men.

I didn't plan on changing that for Mercedes, even once we were married. I would always look at men, always think about men, always want men.

I guess, then, you're wondering why I'm even marrying the witch. Why I've been engaged to her for a month now and "dated" her for six before that.

My mom's a powerful woman. Brooke Diamond- CEO of Brooke Diamond Cosmetics. She makes millions of dollars every year and is well-known and well-advertised.

Arthur Griffin is Mercedes' dad, and he's even more powerful. In fact, he's the fourth most powerful man in the world. He makes _billions _a year and pretty much owns the world.

So it's only natural that the son and daughter of the two get married and eventually combine their inherited companies, make billions and billions of dollars, and have powerful babies that will marry the children of other powerful people. Sort of a "Diamonds take over the world" thing.

Except I don't give two shits about power or money or Mercedes. I want to find love with a man, spend my days surfing and being with him, and be _happy._

I've never expressed that with my mom. I've told her that I don't like Mercedes, but she told me to stop being so selfish, that this was important. I could never tell her that I like men. She's very religious- the scary type where she thinks that gays all go to hell.

Telling her that I'm gay means losing the woman the birthed me. The only woman I love. My only family.

"James, honey, where's my toothbrush?" Mercedes asked, coming out of the bathroom, her voice immediately making me dread the rest of the night. Most likely she wouldn't go home- she would demand she stay the night with me. She would try to seduce me. When that doesn't work, she'll settle with snuggling all night.

If Mercedes was any other woman in the world, I might be able to fall in love with her. There are times that I do crave a woman's touch, like I had in high school a few times, that I look at a set of boobs and sort of like it, that a woman is attractive to me. Mercedes doesn't do any of that for me.

"I don't know," I said, confused, as I pushed past her to my bedroom. I normally tried to be polite to her. She's still a human being, even if she was that mixed with some sort of monster.

"Well I have one here," she said. "For when I stay the night. And now it's not there. Where is it?"

"I probably threw it out," I said, tossing my phone and keys on the bed before kicking off my shoes.

"You are _so _inconsiderate," Mercedes steamed. I'm inconsiderate. Right.

"Sorry," I grumbled.

"I hoped we could have a romantic dinner together."

And by that, she means I take her out to a five-star restaurant with three-course meals and valet parking and pay for whatever she wants out of my pocket. Like I'm the rich one. Like I'm not paying out of my own pocket with the little bit of money I earn surfing.

"I already ate," I said. "I had a burger with Carlos."

"So inconsiderate!" Mercedes repeated. "You never think about _me._"

"I try to avoid it when I can, you're right," I said frankly, leaving the room, her trailing behind me.

"What's _that _supposed to mean?" she demanded.

"Nothing, _baby_," I said through my teeth, wishing I could just go off on her and kick her out.

I gave her a cute little smile, mixed with a bunch of nastiness. She didn't pick up on the nastiness. She never really does.

"Well I still need dinner," Mercedes said to me in the kitchen, where I had retrieved another beer in addition to the one I had at dinner with Carlos, knowing she hated the smell of alcohol on my breath and wouldn't kiss me. "Cook me something."

"Wish I could, sweetheart," I sighed with mock apologies. "But all I have here is macaroni and a few cans of tuna."

"Ew!"

"I mean, I can make you a tuna sandwich," I said, knowing she'd never bite.

"I'll just go out," she said.

"Fantastic."

"Should I come back?" she asked seductively, her manicured nails lightly raking up and down my chest.

"You should go home and get some rest."

She pouted out her glossy bottom lip, pressing herself closer to me. I simply took another sip of beer, making her back up, hands out.

"That's disgusting. You need to stop drinking like this before something bad happens to your kidneys."

"Liver, darling," I sighed. She was sort of stupid, too, by the way.

"I'm just concerned for _you, _baby," she said. "And if you keep this up, I'm never going to kiss you."

"What a pity," I said sarcastically, going to sit on the couch. She perched on the arm of the couch beside me, ignoring my remark.

Mercedes really does love me. Well, she says she does, but she's manipulative like that and might be lying. I don't know how she would ever love me- I never show any interest in her, barely kiss her, and never have sex with her. I've never told her I love her- sometimes when she says "I love you" I just say "you, too" and that's the end of it.

With that, she leaned down and tapped her cheek, making me sigh and kiss it before she happily left. Finally.

* * *

_Logan's POV_

"If you're not going out, I'm staying here with you," Kendall said the next morning, me still wrapped in my blankets having been awake for an hour while Kendall took a shower and shaved and tried to get over his hangover. Apparently he was feeling well enough to go out.

"No, you go have fun," I said, peeking out from beneath my covers.

"I can't just leave my Logie when he's feeling sad," he said, kneeling beside my bed to look in at me.

"I'm not sad."

"Yes you are," he said. "You're sad about that surf instructor, aren't you? What happened? Did he turn you down?"

"No. We never surfed- it rained. Then you showed up and passed out and he carried you up here. He invited me for a beer with him and his buddy, but I turned him down," I said.

"That's so awesome! Logan, how can you be sad about that?" Kendall asked excitedly. "I mean, you should have gone with him!"

"I couldn't just leave you passed out here," I reasoned. "And I'm underage. He told me he would sneak a beer to me, but I said I had to stay with you."

"Don't even worry about me."

"Who else would clean you up after you puked and strip you naked and change your wet clothes?" I asked frankly.

"You did all that?" he melted. "You're so awesome. You saw my junk?"

I rolled my eyes and laughed a little. It wasn't like I hadn't seen it before.

"Well I deserved to be left alone and miserable in wet clothes," he said. "I was drunk and I'm sorry."

I shrugged, not wanting to be the party pooper and tell him not to drink anymore.

"So why are you upset, then?" he asked.

"I'm not upset."

"Yes you are."

"I'm just homesick," I said. "And feeling really lonely."

Kendall twisted his lips and dropped his eyes.

"Okay," he said. "So let's just go home. We can spend the rest of our money on a roadtrip- wherever you wanna go. Or we can just keep it."

Although that sounded great, and I wanted to do it, I hated to see how sad that made Kendall. But then I realized that he wasn't sad to be leaving- he was sad about me not enjoying myself.

"And I'm not leaving your side," he said, green eyes sincere. "We can just stay here and book a flight back home and watch some movies. Oh, and order pizza. Okay?"

I smiled gratefully, loving that Kendall was sacrificing so much for me. But I was just the same and I didn't want him to be unhappy.

"One last day," I said. "So you can soak it up before we go."

"I'm not leaving you, Loge."

"I'll go with you," I said.

"Really?" Kendall asked excitedly. "You wanna go party with me?"

"Maybe I should soak it up, too," I smiled. "See what you're enjoying so much."

* * *

Kendall and I had a lot of fun playing beach volleyball for a few hours with a mixture of guy and girls. I found out that I was actually pretty good at volleyball and was able to get out of my shell a bit to play.

After that, Kendall and I walked along the shore in search of another group to join.

"I think you belong here," I smirked, looking out over the ocean.

"How come?"

"You just get along so well with everyone, and you seem to love being social," I answered.

"Well I could say that about you, too," he said. "Once we got going with the game, you seemed like you were having a ball. Were you?"

"Yeah- it was really fun."

"See what you've been missing?"

From there we joined a little party at a hotel pool, which we needed special bracelets to get into but we sneaked in illegally.

After just a few minutes I was ready to leave. This party wasn't anywhere near as fun as the volleyball party, but Kendall was loving it. I ended up sitting in a tanning chair, watching as girls practically gave the other guys lap dances, including Kendall.

Kendall was against the wall of the pool making out with a blonde girl. It wasn't rare there- pretty much everyone was making out with a stranger.

Then the manager of the hotel came out and broke up the party and threatened to call the police, and I pulled Kendall away.

Finally we just sat in the sand and decided to make a sandcastle. I was enjoying just doing something relaxing if not a bit childish with my best friend.

But that was all ruined when some teenage guys with boogie boards ran up and jumped on our castle, yelling "FAGGOTS!" before scrambling off.

And that's when I was ready to go home- now.

I got up and started walking back toward our hotel, though I knew we were almost a mile down the beach from it.

"Logan!" Kendall called desperately. "They were kidding!"

"This isn't my idea of a vacation, Kendall. This is Hell. For me, at least."

"But Loge-"

"I should have never agreed to come here- I knew I'd hate it!" I steamed.

"You were just being a good friend!"

"A good friend doesn't let his best friend run wild to make out with strangers and get drunk and God knows what else," I retorted. "A good friend would say, 'No, Kendall, let's go skiing in the mountains!'"

Kendall said nothing, moping and almost physically pouting.

"I'm sorry, Logan," he finally said. "It was selfish for me to drag you here when I knew you'd hate it."

"Damn right."

Okay, I shouldn't have said that. That was just plain hurtful.

"I just wanna go home," I sighed.

"You know I love you, right?" he asked desperately. "You're my best friend in the whole world, Loge."

"I know."

"I know I've been a horrible best friend to you with leaving you for the girls and getting drunk and making you take care of me," he said apologetically. "But I've been really trying to make it up to you."

"I know, Kendall."

"You're still mad."

"I'm not mad. I just wanna go home."

"Just one more stop. Please? For like ten minutes, then we'll go pack and get booked for a flight in the morning and order a pizza and watch movies."

I looked up to see where he wanted to go. It looked like an outdoor club with a dance floor and hanging lights, which weren't on yet, and a fire and a DJ.

"What is that? There's no bouncer or anything," he said.

"Maybe a birthday party or something."

"Can we crash it?"

"No."

"C'mon, Loge. One more. You used to be fun, you know."

I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"Ten minutes," I said sternly.


	4. Fish Tacos

I didn't even bother joining the party. I sat at the shore of the beach, the sun about ready to set, and looked at the ocean. I wished I had my sketchbook so I could add color to my sketch of the beach while I waited on Kendall, but I didn't bring my backpack.

If I was going to miss anything about California, it would be the beautiful ocean.

"Logan?" I heard my name over the music in the background and looked up, finding someone familiar sitting beside me. It was James, looking and smelling like a god in plaid shorts and a rollup shirt. His hair was dry and pushed back with some sort of product. "Hey, man!"

I couldn't help but smile, my reservations about him temporarily gone because frankly I didn't think I'd ever see him again.

"What're you doing here?" I asked with a smile.

"It's my day off," he shrugged. "What about _you_?"

"I'm here with my buddy."

"The drunk one?"

"Yeah," I laughed, rolling my eyes. "He's fine, though."

"Good. What're you doing out here?" he asked, gesturing to the ocean. "Why aren't you dancing?"

"I could ask you the same thing."

"Well I saw you out here and I wanted to see what's up," James smiled, shouldering me playfully.

"I don't like to dance."

"I figured. Have you ever danced, though?"

"I don't know how."

"Don't know how? Don't know h-" James trailed off in disbelief. "C'mon, buddy. I'm gonna teach you. You're gonna love it."

James got up, taking my hand and easily tugging me up. Maybe I helped a little- the idea of James teaching me to dance sort of intrigued me.

To my disappointment, James let go of my hand to lead me back to the party. It was a fast, danceable song playing, people in party dresses having the time of their lives dancing.

"Is Carlos here?" I called over the music as James stopped at the edge of the dancing area, nearest the ocean, and turned to me.

"Of course he's here! Somewhere. We do everything together," James called back.

Suddenly he was dancing, his body moving like the ocean itself, his eyes closing to feel the beat and allow me to just watch him. His body was so beautiful, even with clothes on.

His hazel eyes opened and he smiled.

"C'mon! Just feel the music!" he called. "Do whatever you want!"

I stood there stiffly and James grinned and touched my hips, forcing them to sway. Suddenly his hips were on them, swaying with them. My breath caught, looking up at him, feeling him against me and almost drooling over how much enjoyment was on his face.

"Do it like you're having sex!" James smiled. I blushed, not wanting to say that I had never had sex, and glad that he didn't ask.

After a second, I sort of got into the groove, his casual excitement rubbing off on me. His hands were gentle on my hips, his eyes closing and his face turning up to the sky. He sure looked like he was having sex, and I was afraid that with this close contact, the friction, and his face I would get too excited and he would feel that.

But I wasn't about to fight out of his grasp. This was too amazing.

The beat ran through me, shaking my joints loose and sending happiness through my veins as we danced together. I felt myself actually smile and close my eyes, enjoying the feeling.

Five songs passed and James' hands disappeared, but it felt like we had only been dancing for a few minutes.

"How about that beer?" he asked, face close to my ear. I opened my mouth to say no, but then his hand came up to rest on my shoulder and I would do anything to impress him.

"Sure," I said. He smiled and led me to the unattended cooler of alcohol where he got out two brown bottles, popping the caps off of both. He handed one to me before taking a sip of his own.

I looked at mine, knowing it was wrong for me to drink it, not to mention illegal. But now James' arm was across my back, his hand on my shoulder, and he was leading me to a fire nearby with people sitting on logs around it.

He sat on a log and patted the seat beside him. I smiled and sat, taking a swig of my drink and trying not to cringe. Somehow I got through high school without even sipping an alcoholic beverage. I have to say, I was disgusted by the taste.

"It's crazy that you're here," James said.

"My buddy likes to party," I shrugged. "Do you go to a lot of these?"

"Yeah. Anything to keep from being at home," James shrugged. There it is again- mention of a bad home life.

"Do you mind me asking what's at home?"

James seemed to stiffen up, thinking hard on what to say.

"Nevermind. I'm sorry," I said quickly.

"It's fine," he said, shaking his head. "I have this roommate, and she's just awful. That's why I don't like to go home."

Suddenly I knew he had a girlfriend and I was stupid to want him and think he might want me back. A girl roommate? Of course she was his girlfriend, even if he didn't like her.

My eyes dropped to my drink and I swirled the liquid around in there.

"Your girlfriend?" I asked.

"No," he laughed. "No- she used to be. A little over a month ago she was. We dated for six months."

A month. That means he may not be over her, and even more, he was straight. Six months was plenty long enough to fall in love, and he was probably still getting over her.

I was silent, looking at the fire now before unconsciously taking a drink of my beer. Then I took another, longer one.

"Um… But she's just horrible," James said, noticing my new mood. "I hate her."

"How can you hate her? You used to love her," I said, looking over at him. His hazel eyes stopped on my brown ones and he blinked with a sigh.

"I never loved her."

I gave him a confused look and he shrugged, looking back to the fire.

"She was a cover-up mostly," he explained. "And my mom wanted me to date her."

"A cover-up?"

"Logan, I like men," James said flat out with a smirk.

Suddenly my heart leapt. He was gay? He was Carlos' gay friend, that Carlos mentioned the first time we met, wasn't he?

"I know it's not obvious, but I do," he added. "Don't be uncomfortable about that- some straight guys are. They think I'm always looking at their ass or something."

"I get it," I said.

James stared at me for a while, thinking.

"I know in Minnesota, if you're gay you keep it low-key," he finally said. "And I'm really sorry if I'm totally wrong about this and it pisses you off, but you don't really have to hide it here, Logan. You'll be accepted here."

I have to admit, if I was straight I would be so offended. My silence made him go into panic-mode.

"I'm so sorry," he said quickly. "It's just that you seemed to respond to my advances and-"

"No- it's okay. It's just something I prefer to keep private."

He paused, searching my eyes, and I willingly filled them with the answer he was looking for- I was gay, too.

"Who knows?" he asked.

"My buddy Kendall and my mom. That's about it," I said.

"Good. It's important that your mom knows," he said sternly. "And it's good that you have a friend that accepts you, too. Have you ever had a boyfriend?"

I laughed and shook my head.

"Me either."

"Really?" I asked, eyes wide.

"Really. Only Carlos knows about me," he said. "And you now."

I didn't want to ask why he was hiding it but telling me not to. He seemed a little reserved about some things that he didn't say straight out.

The sun was setting now and the lanterns were blinking on, making a beautiful scene.

Things between us were silent, but not awkward. James was busy dragging his hands through the soft sand at our feet, and I was watching the fire.

"Jay!" came a shout, and James looked up and smiled and waved. I followed his gaze to Carlos, Kendall walking behind him with a beer in his hand, like Carlos. "Jay, this kid's gonna party hop with me!"

"Isn't that-" James began to ask me.

"Yeah. Kendall," I said, confused as to why they were together. They had met when Kendall forced me to sign up for surfing lessons, but that was it.

"Yeah! Your buddy, right? The one who made you take lessons?" Carlos asked. "Is it okay if I steal him for the night? I'll bring him back safe, I swear."

"Oh, Carlos- Logan and I have plans," Kendall said in realization, obviously upset about it.

"Um… Yeah, we-" I began, but then James turned to me and locked eyes with me and I didn't want to go back to the hotel and pack and get plane tickets. I wanted to stay here with him forever. "Just go ahead, Kendall. Keep your phone on you and be back before too late."

"Okay, honey," Kendall said sarcastically with a smile.

"Don't be stupid," James said sternly to Carlos as Carlos put a set of keys in his palm. "And he's underage- take care of him."

"Okaaay," Carlos said impatiently. "We're going! Bye!"

Carlos started to hurry off, and Kendall leaned down to me.

"You're the best. I'll text you, okay?" he said softly before pressing a kiss to my temple. "Have fun with dreamboat over there, use a condom! Love you!"

"Kendall!" I laughed, but he was gone.

"Woah," James laughed to me. "You two are pretty serious. I thought you said you've never had a boyfriend?"

"I told you he's not my boyfriend."

"He kissed you and told you he loves you."

"He's my best friend," I laughed. "He just does that. He's straight as an arrow and I don't have feelings for him."

"Okay," James said in surrender, taking a swig of his beer and reminding me to follow suit. "What kind of plans did you have?"

"Nothing important." I didn't want to tell James that I was leaving. I was afraid that he would beg me to stay and I wouldn't be able to resist. Then again, why would he care that much if I stayed?

"Were you gonna fuck?"

"No!"

"Then what?"

"We were just gonna watch some movies and eat pizza," I insisted, which wasn't a lie.

"What kinda movies? Porn?"

"Shut up!" I laughed, shouldering him and making him giggle. His laugh, I noted, was the same in reality as it was in my dream. High and childlike- it made you want to laugh along.

"I'm glad Carlos found someone to party with," James said. "Normally I like to party, but tonight I'm feeling more mellow."

"I can relate."

"Guess it's just you and me. Unless you wanna go back to your hotel."

"I think I'll stay out for a while."

"Are you hungry?"

"Yeah."

"Well I know this awesome fish taco place, if you're game," he proposed. "After we dance a little more."

* * *

"Are you okay to drive?" I asked as I climbed into the tall black jeep, which I guessed was Carlos'.

"I'm fine. I only had one beer, I swear," James laughed, starting the car and putting on his seatbelt. "I'm a big guy, Logan. It'll take more than that to even get me buzzed."

I knew that James would never put me in danger. He had that protective air about him- very sincere and chivalrous. He would make sure I was safe.

"Carlos is responsible enough with Kendall's life, right?" I asked as we pulled out of the parking lot. "Because Kendall sure as hell isn't."

"Oh yeah," James waved. "It doesn't seem like it, but Los always has a plan."

"Good."

"So tell me about yourself, Logan," James said. "You're from Minnesota and you're gay. Two things we have in common."

"Well my dad passed away when I was little- he had a stroke. He was like ten years older that my mom. So it's just me and my mom, and my mom's great. I'm planning on medical school this year- I want to be either a surgeon or an ER doctor."

"Wow," James smiled. "That's awesome."

"I've always wanted to be a doctor- since I can remember," I explained. "Mom and I don't have a lot of money, but I have some saved up and I got a lot of scholarships in high school."

"Big dreams. Where are you gonna go?"

"Either a school in Minnesota, Iowa, or California," I said. "I've been accepted into all of them, it's just a matter of choosing. Actually, I was accepted into a lot of them. But Minnesota and Iowa are gonna be closer to home, and the school here is amazing. It's just so far, you know?"

"Right," James nodded. "That's so… I wish I had a bright future like you."

"It's never too late to start trying to have one," I pointed out. "You're still young."

"I didn't get such great grades in high school- it'll be hard to get into a good school," he shrugged. "Besides- I love surfing. Doesn't get great money, but I never get bored with it. I'm happy with it."

"As long as you're happy."

Soon we pulled into a gravel way and parked, and I realized this "fish taco place" was a food truck parked with picnic tables in front of it.

"It looks kind of sketchy, but it's good, I swear," James laughed, waiting on me to come around the truck for him to join me. "I'll order, you pick a seat."

"Oh, let me give you some money," I said, going for my wallet.

"It's cool. They're like two bucks, plus a drink," he said with a wave. "You can get it next time."

_Next time._

"Okay. Thanks," I smiled, and he left me to pick a picnic table. There were only a few other people there beneath the streetlamp eating, so I had good selection.

I finally sat at a table in the middle of the others and soon enough James sat before me, giving me a Coke and cracking his own.

"It'll be a sec," he said, glancing to the food truck. "Worth it, though."

"This isn't gonna make me sick, right?" I asked wearily.

"No way," James assured. "Me and Carlos come here like every day and it's fine."

The fish tacos were pretty good, though I didn't like the overall idea of fish in a taco. After that, James suggested we go look for hermit crabs on the beach, since it was dark now and they would all be scavenging on the shore for food.

"Unless you want me to take you back to the hotel," he said timidly, then he quickly correct himself. "I mean drop you off there! No I mean- not to bang or anything."

I laughed and rolled my eyes.

"Let's go to the beach," I said. His eyes lit up like a kid's and he nodded excitedly. I liked that he was showing me what California had to offer before I had to go home.


	5. Hermit Crabs and Butterflies

_James' POV_

"So then what about you?" Logan asked, me using a flashlight found in Carlos' jeep to scan the shore for hermit crabs out scavenging for food. "Tell me about James."

"Well, my mom's Brooke Diamond- she owns this big makeup company and she's filthy rich. I grew up spoiled and rich, obviously, in Minnesota, then she decided to relocate us to California to be closer to most of her consumers. That was sophomore year of high school. First day Carlos befriended me. I had a lot of friends, but none as great as him. We stuck together through graduation and he tried the police academy, but decided it wasn't for him. He didn't like the violence," I laughed a little at that. "And I was still living off of mommy's money, and I was jobless. I decided I wanted to be dependent from her and I worked for my mom a while, then got a job at a beach shop where I had to always be in my trunks, which I didn't like. So I finally got a job surfing, and Carlos joined me. And we've been doing it ever since."

"What about your ex-girlfriend?"

"She's unimportant," I said quickly.

I felt kind of bad for lying to Logan about Mercedes. He deserved to know that technically I was off the market and engaged, but did it really matter? I wouldn't get too far with him if far at all- he was too shy and would never go for someone like me, although I have to admit I have the biggest crush on him. Anyway, all that could happen, and this was really pushing it, is Logan and I fuck (which would be a miracle, given his shy and conserved attitude) and I get one last enjoyable night with a guy before I'm handcuffed to Mercedes. And Logan goes home to Minnesota and I never see him again, which is sad. I really did like hanging out with him- it was refreshing. Maybe I would get his number before he left.

"Oh."

I sighed, feeling guilty. I think he thought I was hiding something, and although I was hiding something huge, I couldn't let him know that.

"She's the daughter of this big-wig powerful dude and my mom wanted me to date her so maybe we'd get married and be super rich. But she was awful- a spoiled brat and just mean in general," I gave in. "I wanted to be happy instead of rich."

It was kind of good to pretend that Mercedes and I broke up and I was free from this mess I was in.

"How does your mom feel about it?" Logan asked. "She didn't cut you off from her money?"

"Well I mean I wasn't using her money anymore anyway. But she wouldn't cut me off- I'm all she has."

"What about your dad?"

"I didn't know my dad until I was 13. He lives in Vegas and has other kids now. I don't see him a lot or talk to him much, but he's nice enough and he seems to want into my life again," I said.

"Are you mad at him?"

"Nah. I would be if he were to call me for the first time at this age, but since I was still young I'm fine with it. I was going through puberty and kinda needed a dad, you know?" I laughed. "Almost ten years and still I don't know him so well, but I know him and that's what matters."

"He left before or after you were born?"

"You're just full of questions, aren't you?" I laughed. Actually I liked that. Carlos just liked to talk and talk and I was always the quiet one, but now Logan wanted to know about me and I liked talking about myself.

He bowed his head and apologized, and I almost melted. I wondered how old he was- he looked like he could either be in high school or my age. He said he's about to go to college, but maybe he waited a few years after high school to go. He was underage, but I wondered if that meant he was 20 or 16. I wanted to ask, but felt like he didn't want to tell me. And maybe it was best I didn't know his age, because if he was too young it might change how much I like him.

"It's okay. He was married to my mom for a few years and my mom wanted a baby, so they had me. But my dad was sort of a gambler and he left before my mom could kind out that he lost a lot of her money gambling. That was before I was born. I wonder if he still has a problem- he lives in Vegas."

Logan nodded thoughtfully before suddenly running ahead and dropping to his knees.

"Look!" Logan burst, bent over what I knew was the first hermit crab of the night. "Pick it up! Please?"

I giggled, loving, just _loving_, how cute and innocent he just became. I got to my knees in front of him and picked up the crab by the long shell, making it retreat into it. I set it in my palm and soon he came out again, Logan's eyes absolutely lighting up as we watched.

"You've never done this before, have you?" I laughed.

"I didn't know about it," Logan said, embarrassed. "Thanks for this."

"It's one of my favorite things."

We sat side-by-side and I put the crab down to continue its search for dinner.

* * *

_Logan's POV_

"Why haven't you ever had a boyfriend?" I asked James, brushing sand off of my knees as we sat.

"I dunno," he shrugged, looking over at me and clicking the flashlight off. "I've dated a little, but I just never found a guy I really wanna be with."

"Have you had sex with one?"

He gave me a confused look, but laughed.

"What is it with you and all these questions?" he asked.

"I'm sorry," I blushed. "It's just what I do."

"I've never had sex with a man," James said. "Sex is a sacred thing, Logan. I don't know if you've had it or not, but you have to care about the person you do it with. Cause sex is just so wonderful, and it's even better if you have love. And I've never cared for a man before, so no."

"Have you done it with a girl?"

"Yeah. I had a few mindless fucks in high school," he said in disgust.

"And your girlfriend."

"Ex."

We fell silent again, and I looked over at his silhouette. He was so pretty, even when his features were dim. I had a bit of a crush on him, obviously, even if I was just his "little buddy".

I thought it was really sexy how he thought that sex was sacred. I had the same belief. I liked that although he had meaningless sex in high school, he stopped that and really thought about it before rushing into things.

"Why did you date her for so long if you knew you were gay?" I asked.

"My mom," he said. I knew it was a sensitive topic, but James was too mellow and relaxed to care. "She has this idea in her head that the Diamonds will own the world one day, starting with me marrying Mercedes Griffin."

"Why didn't you just talk to her about it?"

"I did, but she just told me that I was getting older and still didn't have someone else. She said I needed to stop being selfish and learn to love Mercedes."

"You're the selfish one?" I asked incredulously.

"Yup. That's what she said," James shrugged. "And I mean, I love her to death and would do anything for her. And I did."

I nodded, brows furrowed. I understood wanting to do anything to please your mother- I would probably do the same thing. But it just seems like James let it get too far before breaking up with her.

"And you finally had enough of acting and broke it off?" I asked. Suddenly he went rigid, unable to meet my eyes.

"Yeah," he said quickly.

* * *

"Do you wanna come in and hang out a little?" I asked shyly as we reached my hotel room.

I was trying to think of how to say goodbye to James. He thought I was staying for the rest of the week, and if I told him that I was leaving tomorrow he might be a little upset.

"I need to get going," he said, twisting his lips. "Sorry."

"Oh…" I leaned against the door

"Listen, Logan," he finally said, standing to tower over me. "I have work tomorrow until 6. But I was wondering if afterward I could pick you up and we could go on another adventure."

My heart leapt and I couldn't stifle the grin that graced my face. Immediately it dropped, though, and I opened my mouth to tell him that I was leaving the next day.

"We could go to LA and see the Hollywood sign," he interrupted. "And the Celebrity Walk of Fame. You know- the touristy stuff."

How could I turn that down? I _had _told Kendall that I wanted to see those things and if I left I might never see them. Plus, seeing them with James, spending a few more hours with James, sounded like heaven.

"It's really cool down in Hollywood and I know some awesome restaurants we could get dinner at. It'll be a lot of fun. If you're down," he said hopefully, almost nervously. "And we can take your buddy, too."

"He's not into that stuff," I waved.

"So… Is that a yes? You'll go?"

"Yeah," I smiled. Well, Minnesota will still be there the day after tomorrow, right?

"Cool," he said in relief. He walked slowly to the door before turning to me. "I'll pick you up here at 7," he said before opening the door and looking at the outside of it. "Room 233. I'll be here."

"Okay," I laughed.

"Oh- wait. Can I have your phone number?" he asked, pulling out his phone. "In case I get lost or something."

After programming my name and number into his phone, I looked up and gave him a shy smile, which was met by a dazzling grin.

"See you tomorrow," he said. There was a moment where we just stood there smiling at one another before he snapped out of it and waved before leaving.

Once again I was left feeling like I wanted to sing and dance.

And I did. Why not? I was all alone, after all.

James made me feel so alive, even if we never did anything dangerous. Dancing with him, feeling his body against mine and for once feeling like I was sexually desired, even if it was false hope, made me feel sexy. And when he looked at me all through the night, he made me feel special. Like I was the only one on this earth. He didn't flirt with me really, which let me know that this was innocent. Although we were both gay, he wasn't interested in me as more than a friend.

But it was nice to think that tomorrow was going to be a romantic date, right?

Okay, so my crush had grown since he first sat with me on the beach at the beginning of the night. Before that, it was just a little fancy, if you will. He's attractive and nice, but whatever. But now… Now I felt like I was in middle school crushing on some girl. Except that middle school girl turns out to be six foot one (by estimation), drop-dead handsome, and all man. Manly man, at that.

Okay, Logan. Calm down. Tomorrow is just two friends hanging out. He doesn't like you like that, so keep your distance.

But on the other hand, I probably will never see him again after tomorrow. And although that was sad, it also made me think that maybe I should go all out. Maybe I should tell him how I feel and maybe he would give me a last day to remember before I go back to Minnesota, in my shell, too shy to go for it again with anyone.

I guessed I was in no position to make a decision now. I was tired and loopy from a great night. I would talk to Kendall about it tomorrow, although I knew he would be hung over and tell me that I need to go for it with James.

Right now I needed to get to bed and hope for a pleasant dream.

I propped open the door for the inevitably drunk Kendall and turned out the lights, save the bathroom light for Kendall before snuggling into my bed and lying awake for a while, thinking about my night and how tomorrow would be.


	6. Night Out

**Hi everyone! I just wanted to say thank you for all your continual support and I love hearing what you guys think! :D**

* * *

I opened my eyes feeling refreshed and excited for the day for the first time in a while.

I went to roll over, but found that I was sandwiched between two bodies. Two sweaty, smelly bodies. I carefully looked to my right, finding Kendall drooling on my shoulder, arm over my stomach, and then to my left was a man, fully dressed, faced away from me, hugging my arm to his chest.

I pulled my arm from the guy and sat up, Kendall's head toppling to the pillow. I carefully leaned over the stranger and let out a breath of relief to see that it was just Carlos.

I carefully climbed out of the bed and went to the bathroom, getting in the shower and leaving the door unlocked in case anyone had to puke. I imagined Carlos and Kendall were drinking last night- why else would they both fall asleep cuddled up to me? Probably Carlos was too drunk to drive home, or meant to go home but just crashed.

Luckily I was able to dry off and get dressed without any emergency puke interruptions. I decided not to shave yet- I would shave later today, so I would be fresh for my date with James.

_Not _date! Dammit, Logan!

I went out into the hallway and called my mom for a while, telling her all about James. She was excited, although I told her it would go nowhere. James would want someone old enough to drink with him, old enough to even legally have sex with him, and certainly someone who lived close enough to see regularly.

Nevertheless, Mom was happy that I was showing interest in a boy for the first time, and hoped I would carry that home with me.

When I went back into the room, Carlos was sitting up, rubbing his face with his hands.

He spotted me and smiled.

"Wild night," he said. "Sorry I crashed here."

"It's okay," I said, setting my phone down.

"Don't be mad, but Kendall was pretty hammered last night. Not too bad, though," Carlos said, looking over at the sleeping Kendall. "I was, too. I was gonna walk home, but Kendall told me not to. I accidentally crashed here, though, and here I am."

"What time did you get here?"

"Like four."

"And you two just decided that instead of using the free bed, you'd rather share mine?"

"Kendall was hammered, and the whole way up here he was whining for you. He just wanted to find you, and then we got here and he snuggled into you. Kinda cute. You half-woke up and let it happen. And I don't know why I was cuddling with you, man. It was a wild night."

A phone blasted into a ring, making us both jump. Carlos scrambled through his pockets for his phone and quickly answered.

"Hello?" he answered. "Oh, hey… Yeah- I'm in Logan and Kendall's room... I know, I just woke up. I'll be right down- I'll borrow some trunks... I know, okay?... I'll hurry... Okay... Okay... Okaaaay. Bye."

He then ended the call and groaned.

"That was James," he said, standing and stretching. "Reminding me that I am indeed late for work. I gotta get going before our first customer comes. I hope I can convince him to take the water today- I'm not feeling it. Got any trunks I can borrow?"

"Sure."

* * *

I couldn't believe how nervous I was, sitting on my bed waiting on James to pick me up. Kendall had already disappeared for the night, meeting Carlos somewhere, and I was alone.

I was clean shaven, dressed in dark jeans and a flannel shirt. I knew I looked good, and smelled good, but I was nervous that it was too much. This isn't a date, and I had to keep reminding myself of that. But just in case, I had to be looking my best.

As soon as there was a knock at the door I sprung up. Then I realized that if I showed up before he even stopped knocking he would know how intently I was waiting. I had to wait a while- make it seem like to me tonight wasn't such a big deal.

I went to the door quietly and looked through the peep hole, my heart immediately stopping. Gosh he looked good. Even in a simple white v-neck and dark jeans, he looked like a god. His hair was perfectly pushed back, his face flawless, a bit of a shadow around his goatee-area. What really made me happy was to see that he was furiously picking at his hair, and I loved that he cared so much about his appearance for me.

I opened the door and smiled, and his hands dropped and he flashed me a dazzling grin.

He looked so unbelievably sexy, yet very manly at the same time. But the smile let me know that he was still friendly and playful James.

I watched him look me over and pause, seemingly not breathing, and that made me feel great about myself.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Yeah," I smiled, closing the door behind me.

* * *

Once again, James and I travelled via Carlos' jeep that night. The top was down, along with the windows.

"Where's Carlos? Why doesn't he need the car?" I asked.

"He doesn't take it partying. He usually gets drunk and doesn't want to drunk drive, which I think is surprisingly responsible of him," James said.

"So he'd rather be the drunk guy staggering around the streets?" I smirked.

"I guess so," he shrugged. "Better than dying in a crash, I guess."

"Agreed."

"I used to have my own car, but I sold it. My mom bought it for me- it was really really nice. But I wanted my own life, you know? And a Lambo doesn't really fit my beach bum lifestyle," James smirked, starting up the jeep.

"You had a Lamborghini?" I asked in surprise.

"Yeah. Since I was sixteen. It was electric blue- not a scratch on it," James nodded. "It was the hardest thing for me to give up, but it had to be done."

"So you never got another car?"

"Carlos and I carpool. He lives really close to me, and I can just walk to his place and use the Jeep when I need. I always fill it up when I take it, so I guess it's cool," he shrugged. "But we usually go everywhere together anyway."

I looked out over the sunset-lit sidewalks. There were party people, normal people, kids, hobos, and even a few prostitutes. Definitely a change in scenery compared to Minnesota.

It was about a half hour's drive before James parallel parked with some difficulty and we ditched the Jeep to walk.

We first went to the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and he pointed out some of his favorite celebrity's stars and I took a few pictures of both stars and the walkway itself.

On the walk to the Hollywood sign, I kept feeling James looking at me, and it made me blush. Not that I didn't steal a few glances at him- he was gorgeous in the light of the streetlamps. He always looks gorgeous- why else would I dream about him in the first place?

Speaking of, I still needed to be trying to figure out where I've seen him before. I don't remember ever seeing him before my dream and didn't recognize him, but I knew I must have seen him somewhere in order to dream about him.

We sat on a bench overlooking the giant Hollywood sign, lit by spotlights.

"Have you ever taken anyone here?" I asked.

"Like on a date?"

"Yeah."

"No. Why?"

"You should. It's really pretty here," I said thoughtfully. "If I was here on a date with someone, that someone would get major points for romanticism."

"So then this isn't a date?" James asked, making me look over at him.

"I didn't think so."

"Why not?" James shrugged casually. I loved how casual he was about everything-so calm. The opposite of me. I wished I could be more like him. "We're both gay, obviously into each other. Why not just say it's a date?"

I bit my lip subconsciously, not missing the "both into each other" comment. Sure, I was embarrassed that James picked up on my crush, but he practically just told me he felt the same way for me.

"Unless you don't want it to be," James said. "In which case forget I just made an ass of myself."

"Dating is for people who potentially want to be together," I said slowly.

"And?"

My heart fluttered and I knew I was blushing.

"Well… I think you're forgetting that I live across the country," I said shyly.

"I didn't forget," James said, mood seemingly lowering. "But… Logan, I'm just gonna say it. I really like you. You're adorable and interesting and you make me feel like I'm some god. Even if we can't really be together, why not enjoy each other while you're here?"

"That's just setting ourselves up for heartbreak."

"Maybe. So what?"

"So what?" I repeated incredulously.

"Logan, sometimes you have to just close your eyes and do it. How else are you supposed to gain experiences and make memories?" James asked gently. I seem to recall Kendall constantly telling me the same things. "I'm not saying you have to see me ever again after tonight. I'm just saying that sometimes you have to live in the now, because there's no better time than the present."

I searched his hazel eyes and found security. He would try his damnedest not to hurt me, and I saw that. He didn't want to hurt me. He just wanted _me_, and that was sort of a foreign thing to me.

"I bet you do this to all the tourists," I said with a little smile.

"What kind of guy do you think I am?" he giggled, nudging me.

"I dunno- I haven't figured you out completely."

"What have you figured out already, then?" James asked.

"Well…" I wanted to back out- tell him that I didn't know, which was a lie. But I was here being spontaneous, remember? Taking chances. "You're gorgeous and so charming and funny and just entertaining. I can't seem to find any flaws."

* * *

_James' POV_

"Trust me- there are plenty of flaws," I smirked, rolling my eyes.

_Like the fact that I told you a huge lie about Mercedes that if you find out could break your heart._

Logan didn't ask about my flaws, he just stared into my eyes for a second. I could almost see the lit up Hollywood sign reflecting in his eyes.

"So… What do you say, Logan?" I asked, laying my arm across the bench behind him. "Can you let me just enjoy you while you're here?"

His mouth opened with a little smile, and I was sure he would say yes. Of course he would.

But then the smile dropped and his head snapped away.

"What?" I asked quickly.

"I can't," he said with a sigh.

"Why?"

"I'm…" he said softly, turning back to me and holding my eyes. "I'm leaving tomorrow."

Suddenly my stomach dropped and I went into an unusual panic mode for me.

"What? No! You still have a few days!" I demanded. His eyes turned afraid and he withdrew. "I'm sorry… I just… Why so soon?"

"I was planning on leaving today, but you asked me out."

"Why are you leaving early?"

"I don't like it here," he said softly, dropping his eyes. "Kendall loves it… But it's too wild for me."

"It's not all wild," I offered, scooting closer and catching his eyes again. "I can show you that it can be fun for you, too."

He smiled and laughed a little- a jingling giggle that made me have to smile, too.

"I just… I feel like I can't just let you go," I said desperately. "Guys like you don't just take surfing lessons out of the blue. You came to me for a reason. Maybe you're like a gift from God or something."

Logan blushed deeply and bowed his head, grinning like a cute little idiot.

"Well… Maybe I could stay a little longer," he finally said.

* * *

_Logan's POV_

My heart fluttered as James held the restaurant door open for me and I entered. He was such a gentleman and I loved that.

We waited to be seated and I felt James behind me, his hands running up and down my biceps. I wanted so bad to just lean back into his strong chest and let his long arms wrap around me. But I thought that was too far. I didn't know how this whole "enjoying one another's company" went, and I thought I would just let James lead the way.

The restaurant was trendy looking, but not too fancy. It was dimly-lit with wooden tables and waiters in uniforms, but there was also a bar playing a football game.

We were seated and James sat across from me.

"This is one of my favorites," James said. "Los and I come here a lot- we eat at the bar. But you're not old enough to eat there, so a table's nice, too. Just not as fast."

* * *

_James' POV_

The dim lighting made Logan's face look much older- like maybe my age. I knew he wasn't, though. He wasn't even 21, I knew that much, but I couldn't gage how much younger than that he was.

I knew I had to ask, but I still felt like he was sensitive about it. As soon as I mentioned that he wasn't old enough for us to eat at the bar he seemed to go rigid and quickly looked down at the menu.

"So what's good here?" he finally asked, his dark eyes raising to me again and showing that his mood was up again.

"Their burgers are to die for," I answered. "But they also have awesome wings."

"Wings are messy," he said, scrunching up his nose.

"You don't like messes?" I giggled.

"No," he said with a little smile. "I don't do messes or disorganization."

"I shoulda saw that coming," I smirked. I knew he would go nuts in my apartment. Sure- it was pretty clean, but there were food wrappers everywhere and the dishes were never done and my room was littered with clothes. Then I started to wonder if he would ever see my apartment. Then I thought about if I took him home one night and we got heated.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Logan asked, brow cocked as his lips hugged his straw and he sucked in some soda.

"Just that you're really conserved. And shy."

"Am not."

"I was afraid you might pass out just talking to me during our surf lesson, Logan," I laughed. "I'm so surprised that you agreed to come here with me tonight, and that you said all those sweet things at the Hollywood sign."

Logan smiled and his eyes dropped to his drink as he stirred it.

"At home, I barely talk. But I came here and Kendall told me that I should try flirting a little, since nobody really knows me here," Logan explained. "And I decided that I should come out of my shell a little, and experience flirting."

"And how's that going?"

"You're the only one I've tried it on, and I really haven't flirted at all," Logan giggled, making me laugh, too.

"You don't have to flirt," I finally said. "You've got this way about you that lets a person know you're into them. You keep me engaged even when you don't mean to."

Logan blushed, and I was sure he didn't think I saw but I did.

"I didn't know that," he said.

I opened my mouth to reply, but the waitress appeared and we had to order. By the time she left, the subject was forgotten.

* * *

_Logan's POV_

"So you got here Saturday," James said as I opened my hotel room door. To my surprise, he followed me in and casually closed the door behind us.

"Right."

"And today is Tuesday," he said. "So we've got till Saturday to hang out. Right?"

"Sounds right."

"That's…" he paused, looking up and counting on his fingers, making me giggle. "Only _four days_ not including today! That's not enough time."

"It's not too late to back out," I sang, though I was secretly terrified he might.

"No!" he said quickly, making me smile and sit on my bed. "It just means we have to do it fast."

"It?"

"No! Not _it_. I mean… Not unless you want to," he stammered, turning red. "I would never make you have sex with me, but I mean I'm not gonna tell you no, but-"

"James!" I laughed. "I know what you meant."

James grinned in relief and laughed a little.

"Do you wanna… Stay and watch TV or something?" I asked nervously. "I just feel weird being alone."

"Yeah," James said boringly. I smiled and James turned on the TV, plopping down onto his stomach on the bed. I laughed and followed suit as I surfed the channels.

For about an hour or so we just laid there like that, watching TV and enjoying each other's company. Soon Kendall and Carlos came in, surprisingly sober and early, since it was only about 11.

"Oh- are we interrupting?" Kendall smirked as he entered, Carlos behind him.

"Yeah, we were just having sex," James said simply, not even taking his eyes off the screen. "Obviously."

"How'd it go?" Carlos asked, sitting with Kendall on his bed.

"Fine," I answered.

"Where did you go?"

"Walk of Fame, Hollywood sign, and a restaurant that I don't know the name of," I answered. "What about you guys?"

"We hit a club, but there weren't any girls so we went for pizza and came back," Kendall shrugged, twisting his lips.

"Better luck tomorrow," I said.

"Tomorrow?" he asked, cocking his brows secretively, not knowing if I had told James about us leaving early.

"We're staying all week," I explained. "I decided. If that's okay."

James turned to Kendall expectantly and Kendall's eyes dropped to him. Kendall then grinned and looked back to me.

"Yeah. Cool. Let's stay," he said excitedly. "As long as you want, Loge."

James' head swung around to me, his face lit up with happiness. I had to smile back, of course. His smile was contagious.


	7. Revelations

**Hi, everyone! It's been a while since I updated, but this chapter will be worth the wait, I think. :) Just been busy with band camp, but it's over now so I should be able to write more. Thanks for hangin' in there! :)**

* * *

I immediately spotted my handsome surfer as my bare feet dug into the soft sand on my way to my usual spot. Gosh, James took my breath away. He didn't appear to be working- he was out surfing like the professional he was.

I lay my blanket out and sat, immediately taking out my sketchbook. I wanted to draw the surf shop- it had a new meaning to me now and I wanted to capture the beauty it had to me that a photograph wouldn't have.

Before I started, I glanced over to James to see that he seemed to be looking at me, though I couldn't be sure with his sunglasses. I smiled and he seemed to react with a smile back, and I gave a little wave. He waved back before his attention was ripped away by a person on a board floating beside him, who he didn't appear to know.

Soon Kendall came down and sat beside me.

"Are you going out tonight?" I asked, knowing it was him before even looking at him. He was observing my drawing over my shoulder.

"Maybe. I'll talk to Carlos about it."

"You two really hit it off."

"Don't worry, Logie, you're still my one and only," Kendall said in mock innocence, kissing my cheek. I laughed and dramatically wiped the kiss away, making Kendall giggle.

"Here comes your boy toy," he sang.

"What?" I snapped. "How do I look?"

Kendall looked at me and twisted his lips before swiping at my hair a little and adjusting my sunglasses, then smiling.

"Gorgeous," he said. I turned the other way to catch sight of James coming out of the water, surfboard beneath his arm, fingers running through his wet hair and water glistening down his abs.

I watched him lean the surfboard against the closed surf shop and come over to us.

"Hey," he beamed, sitting in the sand across from us. It drove me nuts knowing that he would get up and be sandy, but I liked that it didn't bother James at all. "Wanna surf?"

"No way," I grinned. "Kendall?"

"Hockey players and surfboards don't mix," Kendall joked.

"I can do it," James pointed out.

"_Good _hockey players and surfboards, I should say."

"Ouch," James laughed, touching his chest. "That was below the belt."

"Are you working today?" I asked James.

"Nope. Which means we can hang out!" James smiled. "Any suggestions?"

"I know what you could do!" Kendall interrupted excitedly. "Go check out that college, Loge."

"UCLA?" I asked doubtfully. "I don't think James wants to go there."

"I know where that is," James said enthusiastically. "It's not far at all. We can go there if you want. Were you planning on going to school there?"

"Well I was considering it, but-" I began, but was cut off.

"It's so awesome- you'll love it. I've been to parties there," James beamed. "Let me throw on my clothes and we can go."

_Please don't put on any clothes, _my thoughts pleaded with him, but of course he didn't hear. He flashed me a big smile before hopping up and going over to the surf shop.

* * *

_James' POV_

I was nervous about taking Logan around in Mercedes' silver Maserati. She let me borrow it for today, since Carlos was off at his parents' house all day with the Jeep and I wanted to go out. She wanted to spend the day with me, but I got out of it, because I would rather spend the day with Logan.

It felt wrong to have him here in the car with me, though. My current love interest unknowingly in the car of my fiancé…

But I hadn't really planned on taking him anywhere. I thought a day at the beach would suffice.

"This is so nice," he said, carefully closing the door and looking around. I knew I would have to vacuum out the sand from my side's floorboard, but Logan's remained tidy. "I thought you didn't have a car?"

"This is Mercedes'," I said truthfully.

"Oh," he said softly, not looking at me.

"She doesn't get how cool this car is. She just likes it cause it was expensive. But Carlos is out with the Jeep with his parents, and I needed a ride to the beach. So she lent it to me."

I revved the engine up, and Logan remained silent, obviously thinking. Finally he turned to me as I backed out of the parking spot.

"Did you say you still live with her?" he asked.

"No," I said. "I probably said that we live together, but we don't. She's over a lot, though."

"Why?"

I was silent for a second, thinking.

"She's still kinda attached," I said slowly.

"Do you still love her?"

"I never loved her- I told you that," I said softly, speeding down the road. "Right now I just want her out of my life, but I don't think that'll ever happen considering our parents."

"Are you sure?" Logan asked, and I glanced over at him before looking back to the road.

"If you knew Mercedes, you would know that she's awful."

Logan was silent, and I couldn't help but feel that I fucked up with him. I made him think that I was still hung up on Mercedes, since she was always at my house, and that made him unsure of my feelings for him.

"I can't stop her from coming over," I said, reaching over to put a hand on his leg, his dark eyes dropping to it. "She does whatever the hell she wants. Don't worry about her."

"You seem like you're hiding something," he finally said, making my heart stop. "Sometimes you word things weird and you avoid topics, and I don't know you well enough to pinpoint it."

I didn't know what to say, so I pull my hand back to the steering wheel, feeling his eyes on me.

"Are you?" he asked. "Hiding something?"

"No," I said, shaking my head, acting incredulous, like I couldn't believe he would accuse me of that. "I'm an open book, Logan."

"Good," he said, more confident now. "I really, really like you, James."

I beamed over at him, but worries melting, and he gave me a dimply grin.

"I really, really, _really _like you," I responded.

* * *

_Logan's POV_

As we toured campus by ourselves, I started imagining going here for school.

Of course the school would be great- it was one of the best schools in California. But if I went here, would also be able to see this hunk of a man walking beside me every day. We could maybe even be together, and the thought of that sent my heart pounding.

That's just what James did to me.

He made my heart thunder, because he was literally the man of my dreams. He was so handsome- dead sexy, if you will. He was sweet as sugar and friendly enough to make me always feel welcome. Over all that, he seemed to really like me and want me. I mean, he told me he likes me, but it seemed beyond a crush. Beyond a summer-fling. He looked at me like I was a god, like I was something special, like it pained him to know that I was leaving in just a few days.

He was perfect.

I glanced over at him as we walked down the campus sidewalk.

"Did you ever think about going to college?" I asked.

"Not really," he said, his hazel eyes dropping to me and giving me that look- like I was the most important thing in the world. "I never was good at school, and never liked it. I didn't have a plan in high school, and I still don't."

"You still don't?" I repeated. "Meaning you're planning on changing professions?"

"Well I mean, I love teaching surfing. But it doesn't really put bread on the table, and what happens when I'm thirty and still surfing? I'll get sick of it eventually."

"What else do you want to do?"

James smirked and rolled his eyes.

"You'll think it's stupid," he said shyly. It was the first time that I saw him appearing self-conscious, his confidence gone.

"Come on," I laughed. "Tell me."

"It seems like nothing compared to what you're doing with your life."

"Just tell me."

"Showbiz," he said simply. "I love it all. Singing, acting, modeling. I could see myself doing any of that."

"That's not stupid," I said with an excited smile. "That's so cool."

"Really? Think so?" he asked hopefully.

"Of course," I grinned. "I know you can model- that's a no-brainer. But can you sing and act?"

"I can sing pretty well- took voice lessons as a kid," he said proudly. "Acting? Not so much."

"You can take acting lessons, too," I pointed out. "There are performing-arts schools all over this state. If that's your dream, you should go for it."

"I had a gig a little while ago," he said. "I was in a commercial for my mom's makeup products. I mean the works- it was awesome. They put a little makeup on me and gave me a few lines.I just really loved being the star of the show, you know? I loved having my makeup done- that sounds dumb, I know- and everyone catering to my every need."

"That sounds amazing."

"It was. And all I had to say was something about how awesome Brooke Diamond Cosmetics was, and-"

I zoned out from him as his words rang a bell in my brain. Brooke Diamond Cosmetics… Commercial…

Then I saw it. James- the James walking right beside me- on my TV screen smiling brightly at me as he tried to sell me makeup. I remember the first of only a few times I saw the commercial, thinking how gorgeous that man was, and thinking that his beauty just came from makeup.

But it wasn't just makeup. That's all natural beauty, and I see that now.

So that must be where I saw him first, where I heard his voice, that lead to me dreaming of him.

"Logan?" James asked, stopping on the sidewalk. I snapped out of it and stopped, too. "You okay?"

"I dreamt about you," I said, cocking my head with my brows furrowed.

"Woah- I don't think you should share that," James giggled.

"No, I mean the first day I came here, I fell asleep on the beach and dreamt about you. Before we even met. And you know, you can only dream about people you've seen before, and I had no idea where I had seen you before," I said quickly. "But now I know it was from the commercial."

James stared down at me, looking a little confused.

"What was the dream about?" he egged.

"It wasn't a sexy dream," I insisted with a smile. "We were dancing- slow dancing."

"That's it?"

I decided to leave out the kisses and the "I love you's" for now.

"That's it," I nodded.

"I'm flattered," he beamed. "I'm the man of your dreams."

I felt myself blush, but he didn't seem to care. He just hugged me for the first time ever, and though I was stiff at first I melted into it, hugging him back.

"You're really amazing," I said softly. His scent was overwhelming- a tiny bit of cologne, his natural scent, and sea salt all mixed together. It made my head spin in delight. There's nothing sexier than a man who smells good.

* * *

_James' POV_

I don't think things could have been more perfect. Logan and I were having a moment- our first moment. It was monumental.

"You're really amazing," Logan had murmured against my chest, and I was afraid that my heart would beat out of my body and hit him.

"Amazing" is a powerful word when used to describe a love interest. A hamburger is amazing. The ocean on a hot day is amazing. The smell of cookies is amazing. But there's something different about calling a love-interest amazing.

It's almost an intimate word, and it means that that person likes their love-interest so much that really they have no flaws.

I had been told I smell amazing, that I look amazing, and in high school that I'm amazing in bed. But never once have I been told that I- all of me- am amazing.

We left the college soon after that, and I was glad. Schools made me nervous and bored.

"So what did you think?" I asked starting up Mercedes' car, him in the passenger seat.

"I liked it. But I'm still not sure. I'll have to look into my other options first," Logan said simply.

"But if you go here, you get the beach and the awesome weather and, you know… Me," I pointed out. Logan flashed me a smile as I started driving, but I think he knew I was serious.

"I definitely like all those things," he said. "But it's far from home. And I have to think about what's the best choice for my career, you know?"

"Yeah, yeah," I winked.

"James… Can we keep in touch after I leave?" Logan asked slowly. I glanced over at him, concern on my face.

"Of course," I said.

"I mean I don't necessarily mean in a romantic way, but I wouldn't want to just lose you," he said. "Even if I can't have you, you're still a great friend."

I smiled over at him, my heart swelling. He makes me feel so special, and I don't think he even tries.

"You can call or text me anytime," I assured. "This doesn't have to be goodbye, you know."

Logan seemed to relax a little and smiled at me before looking to the road.

"What should we do now?" he asked.

"I really don't think I have enough money to go out to eat again," I laughed nervously. "I get paid on Fridays."

"That's okay. I'll pay."

"What? No way, Logan."

"Why not? You paid for my fish taco and said I could get it next time, then yesterday you wouldn't let me pay for you. Let me get this," he urged.

"I'm just… Against that."

"Why? I'm a gentleman, too, James," he chuckled.

"I'm weird about it, okay?" I asked, then realized I was too touchy about it and smiled a little. "My mom paid for everything I could ever want until I moved out. It's just… Not something I like anymore."

"Men pay for their dates all the time," he reminded me. "This isn't a charity case. This is me picking up my date's tab because I'm a gentleman."

"But-"

"James, you're gonna lose this fight."

I sighed and laughed a little.

"Let's go somewhere cheap. How's pizza?"

"Sounds good."

* * *

_Logan's POV_

I was really nervous as we reached my hotel room door, simply because I wanted a kiss really badly, but didn't know if it was too soon, or even how to get a kiss.

I felt at ease around him, but still I had no idea how to initiate a kiss. I felt embarrassed just thinking about it.

But at the same time, we only had a few days together. If we didn't kiss soon, how many kisses would we get between now and when I leave? Not enough, that's for sure.

"Do you wanna come in and watch a movie or something?" I offered, turning to him before the door. It wasn't late at all- just after 7.

"I'd love to, Logan, but I don't think it's a good idea."

"Why?"

"Because I don't know if I can trust myself in a hotel room alone with you," he smiled, eyes dancing.

"Maybe you don't have to."

I felt my cheeks immediately redden and he giggled.

"I never expected that to come from your innocent little mouth," he smiled. "I need to go, though. Get Mercedes' car back to her."

"Okay," I said, trying my damndest to look as cute as possible for him, working my brown eyes to my advantage. It dawned on me that James didn't know just how young I really was.

He smiled and hugged me before kissing my forehead. I looked up at him, telling him with my eyes that I wanted a _real _kiss, but he just smirked at me.

"You're really cute, you know," he said, kissing my cheek this time. "Come see me tomorrow- I'll be working the booth."

"Okay."

I looked up into his clear hazel eyes, willing him to put those damn lips on mine, but instead he gave me a final hug before backing away.

_If you don't do it now, you'll have to wait a whole other day just to try again._

I paused and turned, my hand on the door handle.

"James?" I asked the man who was slowly walking down the hall. He stopped and turned, only a few feet away.

"What's wrong?" he asked, coming back to me slowly.

"Um… Nothing…" I fumbled, my face burning and brain scrambling for what to say. "I just… Um…"

"Logan's at a loss for words. This is new," James smiled good-naturedly, making me smile, too.

"It's just… We don't have a lot of time together, and I really like you and-"

"And?"

"And I was wondering if it would be alright if um…"

"Logan?" James laughed. "Just say it."

"Nevermind," I said quickly.

"Okay," James smiled. Before I could process anything, his warm fingertips were on my jaw and his lips were on mine in a quick peck. He gave me a knowing smirk then, and I knew he somehow knew exactly what I was trying for earlier.

"Night," he said.

"Night," I said whimsically, watching him disappear down the hall as I leaned again the door.

Suddenly the door opened and I went scrambling into familiar arms.

"I saw that," Kendall sang, pushing me to my feet again. "That was so adorable. Come on- you have to tell me everything."

I was still dazed as I was pulled into the room. I could still feel those brief, warm, perfect lips on mine as I was sat on the bed, Kendall kneeling before me and staring up at me like a kid waiting on a story from his grandparent.

"Start from the beginning- when you left the beach," Kendall said eagerly. I tried to put my brain together, just staring down at my best friend, trying to remember anything before that kiss. "Wait! I have to pee first!"

Kendall scrambled up and to the bathroom and I fell back against the soft bed, smiling at the ceiling.


	8. Getting Real

**So this is kind of an angsty chapter, but you'll like it in the end. :D At least, I hope so.**

**As usual, thank you for reading. I really appreciate it and your feedback- just love to see that my work isn't going to waste. :)**

* * *

_James' POV_

I woke up to the sound of someone banging on my door. I groaned and got up, hoping it wasn't the apartment keeper asking where my rent was, because I might have to ask Mom for a little financial help if it is. Of course, rent wasn't due until Friday, and that's when I was to get paid.

But damn, it was like 5 AM.

"JAMES DIAMOND!"

I knew who it was no. My "beloved" fiancé. I sighed, suddenly wishing it was the apartment keeper, and unlocked the door, standing back as it flung open.

"Hello, dear," I said with a snide smirk.

"Who was in my car?" Mercedes snapped, bursting in and looking around, like she was searching for a bunch of whores in my bathroom or something. She's always suspicious that I'm cheating with other girls… Maybe she should be. If only she knew that it's not girls she should be looking out for.

"Just me."

"That's a lie," she snapped, turning to me with fiery eyes. I cocked a brow at her as she pointed a manicured finger at me. "There's a butt print in the passenger seat."

"Oh- well, that's my friend's butt print," I said

"Did I say you could have a friend in my car?"

"No, but I assumed that as long as I brought it back in one piece-"

"James, you lied to me," Mercedes cut in. "You said it was just you in the car."

"For God's sake, Mercedes, it's like 5 AM. You can't blame me for this," I retorted. "What are you even doing up so early?"

"My friends and I are going wedding dress shopping," Mercedes said. "Wanna come?"

I couldn't believe how fast she could change emotions, but she was good at it.

"It's not good for the groom to see the bride in her dress," I grumbled, turning back to my room.

"Well I'll be back at around noon to get you for cake tasting and some other wedding stuff," Mercedes said following me.

"I'll be working," I said, ignoring the fact that my dearest fiancé would be shopping for six straight hours, probably buying at least three wedding dresses for no reason.

"Which is more important?" she asked, and I turned to her, wanting nothing more than to tell her that work meant more to me. Instead, I sighed and sat on my bed.

"Should I get you at the beach?" she asked- I was surprised that she was being considerate of me for once and offering to be nice.

I was about to say yes, but then I remembered Logan. Logan would be there, because I asked him to come see me. He was already suspicious about Mercedes and I, I couldn't have him seeing her picking me up from work.

"No- I'll meet you at the parking lot."

"Okay," she smiled sweetly before bending and kissing me right on the lips. As soon as she turned, my face was scrunched up and I was trying to wipe the lip gloss from my mouth.

"I love you," she sang. When I didn't say it back, she stopped at the door and looked at me expectantly. "Jamie. I said I love you."

"You, too, Mercedes," I said, making her smile and leave.

I didn't kiss Mercedes much, or tell her that I love her, but occasionally I had to keep up the act. And sometimes she just forced it on me, like just then.

My mind flashed to the kiss I shared with Logan the previous night. That kiss was completely consensual, his lips warm and soft on mine. My heart swelled at the thought as crawled back beneath the blankets, knowing that I would likely get another kiss like that today. Or a few.

* * *

_Logan's POV_

It was about 11:45 when I finally showed up at the beach, watching Carlos give a lesson in the water as I rounded the corner to the window of the surf shop.

I leaned against the counter, James faced away, his face scrunched in confusion as he punched numbers into a calculator and wrote them on a clipboard.

"Hey," I said cheerfully, making him jump and look over at me. I giggled and he followed suit, immediately abandoning his calculator and clipboard and lean on the counter across from me.

"I've been waiting," he smiled.

"Kendall wanted to go get lunch," I shrugged.

"You didn't bring me any?" James pouted jokingly, yet that puffed-out bottom lip almost mesmerized me before melting into a grin.

"Are you hungry? I can get you something," I offered.

"I'm fine- but you almost missed me… I'm leaving in a few."

"Leaving?" I asked in surprise.

"Yeah. I have some business to take care of," James said simply, obviously not telling me something. I figured it was probably family business or something, so I didn't pry. Part of me was very suspicious about his choice of words, though.

"So who's watching the stand?" I asked.

"There's another guy that works at another stand that's gonna come for some extra hours."

I nodded, just looking at him. He smiled and little and leaned in to kiss me, sending every one of my nerves aflame. It was a longer kiss this time, and lingered for a few seconds before he pulled away and smirked at me.

"You don't get kissed much, do you?" he asked.

"Is it that obvious?"

James giggled, his eyes wondering behind me, his smile fading as he stood straight. Someone stood beside me, leaning identically to me.

"Are you ready?" the blonde girl asked, her voice screechy and unpleasant.

"Um… Yeah," James said, avoiding both of our eyes as he turned away to get his things.

"Hi," I smiled, trying to be friendly though I had no idea who this girl was. Maybe his sister- she was pretty like him. He had never mentioned a sister, though. Maybe a friend. I reached out my hand to her to shake. "I'm Logan."

"Whatever," she said, not even looking at me. My hand dropped and I stood straight as James exited the surf shop and approached us.

"I'll see you," James said, his hazel eyes flicking to mine before they dropped quickly.

"Um… Yeah," I said, almost offended.

For the first time, the girl looked at me, and her whole demeanor changed.

"Jamie," she said, cheerfully now. "Introduce us!"

James seemed to go pale, his eyes on the sand. What was going on?

"This is Logan," he said carefully, looking over at her. What, so I didn't get to know who she was? This time her hand grabbed mine and shook.

"I'm Mercedes," she said.

My heart must have stopped then, and suddenly I felt like crawling in a hole and dying.

"Logan-" James tried, but now it was my turn to not look him in the eye.

"It was so nice to meet you," she said with a flirty wink. "C'mon, Jamie, we have things to do."

"I'll catch up," James said.

"You better hurry," she said, voice going bossy. "We have an appointment."

The woman walked off, and James grabbed for both of my hands.

"Logan-" he said softly, but I pulled my hands from his.

Appointment? They had an appointment? Was she pregnant? Were they doing relationship counseling?

"You don't understand," he said sternly. For the first time I looked up at him.

"Then explain."

"We're going to get a cake," he said, his eyes serious on mine.

What kind of cake? A baby shower cake? A wedding cake?

"For my mom's birthday," James said, his eyes solid on mine. "We're shopping for a big fancy party, and I figured who better to shop for fancy things than Mercedes?"

"Are you still seeing her?" I asked.

"Not if I can help it," James smiled a little, his eyes dancing and pleading for me to forgive him.

I smiled a little too, feeling a little better about the situation.

"Let's do something tonight," he said. "Anything you want."

"Okay," I smiled.

"Okay. I have to go, but text me when you figure it out," he said before pecking my cheek and jogging off.

I watched him disappear into the parking lot of the beach, a feeling of doom settled over me.

* * *

_James' POV_

I can't tell you how guilty I was feeling after leaving Logan there at the surf shop.

I had lied to his face. I looked into those trusting chocolate eyes and lied.

I knew that I fucked up and I didn't know how to fix it. I wanted Logan- forever. I wanted to be with him and marry him and have a family with him. Is it too soon to know that? I've only know him for a few days… But we fit together so easily.

But I knew that could never happen. I had to marry Mercedes- for the greater good of everyone.

But that meant forgetting about Logan, and I couldn't do that.

I couldn't have happiness _and _my mother's love and approval, it seemed. I had to eventually choose.

Be with Logan and be happy or be with Mercedes and have my mother still love me and keep everyone else happy.

Though the thought of having Logan forever seemed like the obvious way to go, Mom was all I had. If I broke this engagement with Mercedes and told Mom that I was gay, Mom would disown me for sure. I was just like a little boy searching for Mommy's approval, I guess.

But I've always thought about living happily ever after, in love with the person I was married to, lived with, and had children with. Of course in the earlier years that someone was a beautiful woman. But now I can't imagine myself being fully happy with a woman. Really, I couldn't imagine having that with anyone but Logan now. The Beatles say the "love is all you need", but I think they're wrong. I personally need my mother. She's all I have in this world, and though her love doesn't seem unconditional, I've been sort of clinging to it my whole life.

I didn't know how I could ever choose, but I knew I needed to very soon.

"Jamie," Mercedes demanded, having obviously been trying for my attention for a while. I snapped out of my trance and looked up into her angry eyes from across the cake-tasting table. "We're getting red velvet."

She knew I hated red velvet cake.

"Is that okay?" she asked, though her eyes told me that I better say yes.

"I can't do this," I said, getting up from my seat.

"What do you mean you _can't_?" she asked incredulously. "Get back here!"

"I need air," I snapped, not even pushing my chair back into the table before running off.

I almost felt like I was going to cry as I sat on the dirty sidewalk outside of the cake shop.

My phone buzzed, and I expected it to be Mercedes demanding I get back inside.

Instead, it was Logan.

**_How about Muir Woods as soon as you can?_**

I grinned, my anger simmering down a little.

**_Sounds good_**, I replied.

* * *

Logan gave an adorable grin as soon as he opened the door, making me have to smile, too, all my worries somehow melting in his presence.

In the background, I watched Kendall cock and angry brow at me, his arms crossed.

So they talked about what happened this afternoon at the beach… I guess Kendall is smarter than I give him credit for. I wonder if he convinced Logan that I'm with Mercedes still, because he sure seems to think so himself.

We drove in Carlos' jeep as we talked about how shopping went. I told him we decided on a cake, napkins, tables, and chairs- which wasn't a lie at all.

Then we arrived at the park, which I had never been to before, but was beautiful.

"These trees are… Huge," I laughed as we walked along the given dirt path through the woods, railing keeping visitors from wondering. The trees were probably big enough to drive a car through and tall enough to reach the sky, which I thought was remarkable.

"It's beautiful," Logan smiled, looking up at the treetops. "This is why I wanted to come."

The amount of wonder and happiness in his eyes made him look so young… Like a kid. That made me wonder just how old he really is.

We held hands as we walked along the dusty path, talking and looking at the huge trees and beautiful view.

"What were you like in high school?" Logan asked, pulling me to the railing and leaning on it, looking down at the forest floor below.

"High school," I said thoughtfully. "A tool, I think."

His dark eyes turned to me quizzically. It was times like this that he seemed to be about 25 years old, yet I knew he wasn't even legal to drink yet… I could also see him being about 16, but his occasional childlike wonder, playfulness, innocence, and desperateness for protection. Please, God, just don't let him be 16. My final guess, by the way, is 19 years old. A good, legal number.

"I was a hockey star," I smirked. "Well, in Minnesota I was. Then I moved here and was a football star. Had a lot of sex, kissed a lot of girls, hurt a lot of feelings."

"Oh," he said, brows knitted. "I know the type."

"I mean, obviously I've changed. Got some morals and values," I shrugged and he nodded understandingly. "What about you? How were you in high school? You are out of high school right?"

"Of course," he grinned.

"I was the type that past-you would drive to suicide," he said softly, his smile and eyes dropping slowly. "Nerdy, always had my nose in a book. 4.0 GPA."

"Impressive. Any friends besides Kendall?"

"Oh yeah," he chuckled. "I was manager of the hockey team, so the hockey guys were nice enough to me- invited me to parties. That's mostly because Kendall told them to, I think. I had buddies in a lot of classes, too. Just none I really wanna get back with now."

"So why the hell did your parents let you come here alone with Kendall?" I smirked.

"I'm trustworthy," Logan said in mock pride. "They figured I wouldn't let Kendall get into trouble- haha, right? And we've been saving for years for a graduation trip. And not parent_s_. Just Mom."

"Just Mom?" I repeated. Another thing we had in common.

"Yeah. Dad's gone."

"Gone?"

"He was gay. Mom says he didn't think he knew it until I was about five. I guess he didn't want to be gay, so he killed himself," he shrugged casually.

"Oh my gosh… I'm sorry I asked…"

"It's fine. I was a kid- didn't know what was going on. I remember him a little. He was manly- didn't seem gay, and he doesn't in pictures, either," Logan shrugged. "It's not like it's painful to talk about. Never has been."

I was silent, not knowing what to say.

"I think that's partly why Mom's so supportive of me being gay. It took a lot for me to realize and admit it, and she saw that it really scared me. I think she just didn't want me to go the same way my dad did," Logan said, looking over at me. "I think she likes that she'll be the only woman in my life. Unless I have a daughter one day."

"What's she like?" I asked, ignoring the ache in my heart knowing that I could never have that openness with my own mom.

"She's great," Logan smiled. "Supports my sexuality, likes Kendall, supports all my decisions in life, and knows all of my secrets. Most of them, I guess."

"Most?" I giggled. "What doesn't she know?"

"Well it's hard to tell your mom about your first erection," he blushed. "Or about wet dreams."

"I can't believe I just heard you say those things," I smirked, nudging him with my shoulder. "Are you about to explode with embarrassment?"

"Surprisingly, not as much as normal. It's so easy with you. You're not judging, you're just listening. And you know what I'm talking about- you relate."

I smiled and his eyes locked with mine. I knew then that I couldn't let him go. I had to figure out my shit and spare him the pain as best I could. Ideally that meant being with him and calling off the wedding with Mercedes. I just wasn't sure if I could do that.

He leaned in and kissed me, surprising me. The times we had kissed, it was me who initiated it. I liked Logan taking control, though, and he pulled back after a second with a big grin as he hugged me.

I knew this boy had never been so happy in his life, and I loved to be able to give that to him.

"What about your mom?" he asked, releasing me to sit on the railing, his fingers tight on the wood as not to fall.

"Kinda the same as you," I said, standing before him and wrapping my arms around his waste to make him feel more secure. "We're really close- I'm all she has, you know? We were closer when I was a kid, but when I told her I didn't need her money was kind of a weird spot for us. We talk a lot and I go to her house sometimes for dinner, but Mercedes always goes, too, because Mom loves her." I watched Logan's eyes drop at the mention of Mercedes, but his hands came up my chest, straightening my shirt. "It's just the gay thing… I know she's my mom and she should know… But she's really homophobic. I know she'll hate me."

"She can't hate you," Logan said reasonably. "You said it yourself- you're all she has. You should talk to her about it. She might be mad at first, but eventually she'll come around."

His words comforted me as his arms wrapped loosely around my neck. I hoped he was right.

* * *

_Logan's POV_

My heart was swollen as James kissed me goodnight in front of the hotel room door. His big hands touched my waist as he reinitialized the kiss, a deeper one now. My hands ran up his hard chest and into his hair, and suddenly he was pinned against the door.

Wait, how did that happen? I don't even remember pushing him...

But my body was pressed against his, his hands now gripping my hips as his tongue entered my mouth.

It felt like only a few seconds, but really in must have been five minutes before my mouth was on his neck, his scent making my knees weak. My hands fell to his chest and now his were in my hair, obviously loving it.

I don't think I've ever wanted to have sex with someone. But right now, with only a few minutes of making out, I was all James'. He could do what he wanted to me and I would love it.

He gasped in surprise and giggled, making me pull away and look at him.

"A hickey? You'll get yourself in trouble," James smirked, standing up again, his hand holding his neck where I guess I previously sucked, yet I don't remember. Okay, so I guess we were done making out... "More likely, you'll get _me _in trouble."

"Don't go," I pleaded.

"I'll be at the beach like usual. I don't have to work, so come down whenever. I have a plan."

"A plan?"

"You'll see. It's a surprise," James grinned, kissing me once more before he started to walk away. "See you then."


	9. Let it Go

**Hi guys! Thank you so much for your support! This story is up nominated on Fanfiction Awards for Favorite Romance at **** myforums/ BTR-FF-Awards/ 5354547/ (minus spaces), so if you wanted to vote, that's awesome. :)**

* * *

_Logan's POV_

I hadn't expected James to take me to his apartment that day. I mean, I don't think I expected to ever go in his apartment.

But that afternoon he took me there.

It was what I would expect from a "beach bum" (as he called himself sometimes). It was small and somewhat messy, though he claimed he tidied up the night before. Nothing fancy- a small TV, an old couch, messy kitchen and bathroom, and a small but homey bedroom. I could tell it was home to him- he made it his nest.

"I thought I would make you some breakfast," James said, sitting on the arm of the couch as I looked around.

"Really? It's lunchtime."

"So?" James smiled. "I can do pancakes or French toast or eggs or anything. Except bacon. I don't have bacon."

"How about…" I said, thinking as I looked at pictures of him and his mom on the bookshelf. "Chocolate chip pancakes?"

"Good choice," James beamed. "I'm surprised you didn't ask for dry toast and black coffee."

I grinned back at him and watched him make his way to the kitchen. A man who cooks is probably one of my turn-ons. Maybe it's because I can't really make food all that well, but it's really sexy to me when a man cooks and is good at it.

"Feel free to snoop," he called, his voice echoing. "I don't think I have anything suspicious."

"We'll see," I teased.

Of course there weren't many books on the shelves. More pictures and knick-knacks. There were a few books, though- they were photography books. I picked one up and flipped through, seeing stunning photos of beach scenes. He had a few marked with sticky notes, which I guessed were his favorites.

I ventured into his bedroom then, and was hit by the intoxicating smell of James. The bed was unmade and clothes littered the floor, which drove me insane, but it was James so it was okay. There wasn't much to see in there besides his colognes and clothes, and I wasn't going to snoop in drawers or anything, so I exited.

James was singing as he cooked. I mean really singing. Not softly, either. It was like he was performing. I smiled a little to myself, listening as I entered the living room.

He had a lot of movies stacked atop his TV, which ranged from Disney to horror to romantic comedies. He didn't seem to have a cable box, and I figured he didn't have the money or time for that.

Finally I smelled pancakes and made my way to the kitchen. I sat on the counter and listened to him sing and watched him flip pancakes.

"What song was that?" I asked after he was finished.

"Let It Go," James said, brows knitted like I should know that.

"Never heard it."

"What?" he snapped. "You've never even seen 'Frozen'?"

"Isn't that a Disney princess movie?" I teased.

"Okay, yeah, but it's family fun for everyone," James said defensively, but I could see that he wasn't really mad. "We'll watch it today."

"Two grown men watching a Disney movie together," I smirked. "Isn't that about an ice princess?"

"Okay, Elsa isn't an ice _princess_," he corrected. "Elsa is an ice _queen_."

I put my hands up in surrender and he smirked.

"You'll love it," he said. "Everyone loves 'Frozen'."

* * *

It was strange eating pancakes on the couch, but I soon realized that James didn't have a table to eat at.

"You don't have much, do you?" I teased as he knelt before the TV and put "Frozen" in the DVD player.

"I don't make a lot of money, and I live here alone," James reasoned with a shrug. "What would I need a table for? Mostly I eat on the balcony or the couch anyway."

The movie started and he hurriedly picked up his plate of pancakes and sat beside me excitedly.

"How're the pancakes?" he prodded as the previews continued.

"Really good," I said.

"My own recipe. Just take pancake powder and add water," he winked. "And as many chocolate chips as your heart desires. Too chocolaty for you?"

"No- just perfect."

James seemed to beam at that as he took a bite of his pancakes and fast-forwarded to the beginning of the movie.

Eventually the plates disappeared and James' head was on my shoulder, his legs casually over my lap and arm around my lower back. I pulled my arm out from the bundle and stroked his hair, which he seemed to like.

Honestly, I'd rather be using this time making out… But James seemed so happy.

The movie turned out to be not as bad as I was expecting. As the ending credits showed, James looked up at me.

"So?" he asked.

"I liked it," I admitted. He grinned and kissed my cheek before heaving himself up into a sitting position. "What now?"

"I dunno," James answered thoughtfully.

"I thought you 'had a plan'?" I teased.

"Darling. You'll learn that I never have a plan. That's what you're for," James grinned, getting up.

* * *

_James's POV_

Having Logan there in my apartment really gave me a taste of what being with him would be like. I mean, living together, being together all day, cooking for him. I really loved having him around. He was a better houseguest than Mercedes, at least. He didn't open drawers and rummage, he didn't whine, and he wasn't bossy. He wanted me to take the lead, and I think I liked it.

"You're cute with your mom," Logan said, nodding his head to the shelf with pictures of Mom and I on it. Honestly, I didn't like the pictures. In most of them I was a chubby kid, and in some I was a spoiled high schooler. There was only one that was recent.

"We used to be pretty close."

"Why aren't you anymore?"

"Money. And I realized my true sexuality and sometimes I'm afraid to be around her- I might blurt it out," I sighed.

"You should just tell her."

"I've been really thinking about it," I said honestly. "But… It's such a scary thought. How did you come out to your mom?"

Logan twisted his body and got comfortable, his dark eyes on mine seriously.

"My mom knew something was up with me. I got quiet and always stayed in my room and was emotional a lot," he said. "I bet your mom knows something's going on, too."

"Doubtful."

"And she kept asking, and I kept telling her it was school- I was stressed out," he said. "Then one day Kendall came over and we sat Mom down and I told her. It was better with him there to support me, but he didn't say much."

"What did you say?"

"I told her that something has been on my mind lately. And I was quiet for a long time. Thinking. Trying not to cry. Then I just said it. 'Mom, I'm gay'."

"Just like that?"

"I expected her to cry, considering what happened with my dad," Logan continued. "But she just got quiet for a minute. Then she looked up and asked if Kendall and I were dating. Kendall was quick to deny, then she laughed and I knew it was all okay. And it was."

My eyes dropped as I thought. I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to call the wedding off and come out to my mom. Maybe she would reject me, but wouldn't I be happier knowing that I am myself, and I can be with whoever I want, AKA Logan? And like Logan said, I was all she had, and she was my mother. She couldn't disown me.

"James?" Logan asked softly, taking my hands in his. I looked up into his eyes, and found that he was searching mine. "It'll be okay. I promise. If you decide to tell her, your life will be so much easier and happier. I know you're scared, and that's okay. But if you never tell her, you won't be free."

I found myself falling into his arms, clutching to me.

"I'm so scared," I said softly.

"I know," he said, rubbing my back. "Just do what will make you happiest."

And that meant coming out to Mom and ending the wedding madness. That meant being with Logan and never letting him go. It meant going for my acting, singing, or modeling dreams.

"You're not alone," Logan reminded me. "You have me and Kendall, and most importantly Carlos. Maybe he can go with you."

"Thanks, Loge," I said, pulling away. "I think I'm gonna do it."

Logan smiled a little, supportively.

"It'll get better after you do," he said, giving me a peck on the lips. "I promise you that."

* * *

_Logan's POV_

I kissed James again, a longer and more intimate one this time. He hummed in contentment, his warm fingers brushing my cheek. We pulled apart and I looked up into his trustworthy hazel eyes, and we just stared at one another.

As if on cue, our lips connected again, more intense now. My hands reached up to tangle my fingers into his hair as my tongue entered his sweet mouth. His hands were warm through my clothes on my ribs, then his arms wrapped around me.

Before I knew it, I was being lifted off the couch and carried. I felt like a princess or a bride or something, but it was so sexy how James could carry me with such ease. I found that almost everything he did was sexy to me.

"Where are we going?" I asked against his lips.

"Bed," was all he said, and that simple word sent my heart leaping and stomach filling with anxiety.

It's not that I didn't want him to take my virginity. Anyone would be crazy to not want to give their first time to this man. I was just afraid- typical for me. Things could go wrong. What if he has an STD? I don't know anything about his sexual past, other than he did it a lot in high school. What if after we have sex he's done with me? What if he sees me naked and doesn't like what he sees? What if-

I found myself clinging to his neck, my fingers tight in his hair. Keeping him close made me feel safer, though he was the one I was anxious about.

James laid me carefully on the bed, placing a gentle kiss on my jaw before climbing in beside me, lying on his side and looking at me.

I stared back at him in confusion. Wasn't I brought here for sex?

"What's wrong?" I asked, soft enough that my voice wouldn't shake.

"I don't want you to be afraid," he said softly.

"I'm not afraid. Nervous. But excited."

"Really?" he smiled a little.

"Are you afraid?"

"No. I'm ready. Whenever you are."

I was about to open my mouth to ask him to just give me more time, but I realized I didn't have more time. I only had a few days, and if I wasn't ready now, I wouldn't be by the time I left. Then I looked into those gentle hazel eyes and I found that I had nothing to worry about. Like everything else, James would find a way to take care of it.

If I was going to lose my virginity, there was nobody better to give it to. James was perfect.

"Be gentle," I whispered, looking deep into his eyes.

"Always," he murmured sweetly, propping himself up to kiss me.

His hand slid up my leg, then beneath my shirt against my warm skin.

Soon there were gentle lips going to my neck, his hands tugging my shirt up and over my head. His kisses trailed down my body, making my heart thunder and breaths become shallow and quick.

I stared up at the ceiling, my mouth gaping for breath as he kissed my stomach. My fingers groped from his hair to the shoulders of his shirt and started to tug. It was a gentle time, yet so impactful.

He giggled and stood, pulling his shirt off and kissing my lips again.

Obviously I've never had sex before, and I didn't even think about the fact that I hadn't known James even a week and we both had strong beliefs about sex before love. At that point I was so sure that I would eventually love James, and he would love me, too, so what did it matter? James had this way of taking away all of my worries, all of my insecurities, and taking charge.

And I loved that.

My hands brushed over his torso, his sculpted chest and perfect abs.

Breathing hard, James stopped to look deeply into my eyes. I guess he was searching for permission and I granted it to him with a hungry kiss. My hand reached back to tug on the back of his jeans greedily. His fingers fumbled with my button and zipper before tugging everything down and kissing down my body, my heart vibrating in my chest as my eyes squeezed closed, bracing myself.

* * *

James's arm hugged my side, his cheek on my shoulder and hair brushing my cheek. We were breathing hard, both sweating and too hot to be cuddling beneath the blankets, yet we were doing just that.

I kissed his forehead, stroking the back of his head.

What we just did was magical. I was nervous at first- afraid of the pain I hear comes with the first time, afraid of awkward encounters, afraid of my inexperience. As usual, James took care of everything to make it perfect for me. I didn't regret it. In fact, I was happy we did it and was ready to do it again.

"Was that your first time?" he asked breathlessly.

"Yes. Was it that obvious?" I chuckled.

"Not at all. That was… Fantastic."

"It was?"

"It wasn't for you?" he asked worriedly, looking up at me.

"It was," I said quickly. "It was… Wow. Thank you."

"You're cute. Thanking me for having sex with you."

I laughed a little and he followed, snuggling into me again.

Suddenly I was hit with a sense of panic. I wanted this every day. Maybe not sex, but James in general. I wanted to have him to kiss and hug and cuddle every day. I wanted his mere presence, his happiness, his love.

But I was going home in a few days, and who knew if I would ever see him again or if he wanted to see me again.

* * *

_James's POV_

I'm not saying I was surprised that Logan was able to rock my world, but I wasn't expecting the sex I had with him to be so good. I've never had sex with a man, and maybe it's the same with all men, but he seemed so tight, so ready to give himself to me, so trusting that I wouldn't hurt him. It was so sexy.

There were times during the sex that he seemed so old and mature- like when he was cursing and taking charge. But then there were times, especially during the beginning, when his innocence, fear, and trusting nature led me to believe he was just a kid. I figured that I had the right to know just how old he was.

"Hey, Logan?" I asked softly, propping myself up on an elbow. His dark eyes turned to me lovingly and I smiled a little. "How old are you?"

Suddenly Logan went rigid, looking away. Now I was really curious. I realized then that like me, Logan was hiding something. Was it fair for me to push it when I wasn't about to tell him my secret?

"Loge?" I asked softly, waiting for his dark eyes on mine. "Why are you hiding it?"

"I just want you to like me," he said softly, breaking my heart.

"I'll never not like you," I said, stroking his cheek with my thumb. "Just tell me."

He took a deep breath and wet his perfect lips.

"Seventeen," he said, not looking into my eyes. I was shocked, I have to admit. I expected eighteen at the youngest, and I wasn't even considering that as an option.

Of course, naturally the first thing that ran through my head was that what we just did was illegal. I've been an adult for years and he isn't even legal yet. What if for some reason he decided to tell the police? I would be arrested.

"Are you serious?"

Logan's brows furrowed and he got up, pulling his boxers up.

"I'm really sorry. I should have told you before we had sex," he said, pulling his pants on and buttoning them. I watched, horrified that he was going to leave. "I promise I won't take you to court for rape or whatever."

"I didn't ask before we had sex," I said simply, pulling up my own underwear and sitting on my knees on the bed. "It's not your fault. And it doesn't mean anything to me. I don't care."

"Oh please," he said, pained. "I know you're turned off by it."

"No," I said. "A little afraid, since you're a minor… But that's it."

I reached out to pull him to me, kissing his bare shoulder and hugging his warm body.

"You'll be eighteen soon, right?" I asked.

"In just a few weeks."

"So it's no problem," I assured, pulling back to kiss his cheek. "I'm just surprised you'd want to be with an old man like me."

Logan burst into adorable laughter and hugged me around my neck.

"I was so afraid you'd ditch me if you found out my age," he said. "Thanks for being cool about it."

"You'll find that I'm cool about pretty much everything."

"I noticed. You even me out," he said, and I pulled away to look up at him with a little smile, my heart melted.

I didn't want to lose him. Never. If God was to ever smile upon me, Logan was it. Logan was what was meant to save my life from being complete shit.

It was up to me to put him to good use. I decided I would call off the wedding and come out to Mom. Right after Logan leaves Saturday, the day after tomorrow. I wanted to soak him in while I could- I didn't know the next time I would see him and had to make sure I would remember him vividly until then.

The next few days after he leaves will be hard for me. I had to enjoy what I had left with him.


	10. Worlds Crashing

**I'm so sorry this took me forever to write! School and band, man. School and band. I wanted to get this out to you ASAP, so please excuse any editing mistakes! **

** HUUUUGE thank you to waitingFORthePERFECTsong9092. She had a big part in this whole story and she's been helping me with every chapter and giving me some hardcore feedback. :D If you get a chance, check her out, she's an awesome writer and also she practically knows the guys, so that makes her at least 5x cooler. ;D**

* * *

_James' POV_

Logan was rifling through my refrigerator at about 9 that night. I guess I wore him out in bed- what can I say? He looked so cute in his boxers and my hoodie from my bedroom floor, his dark hair tasseled.

I slid my arms around him and hugged his back to my chest. He tensed up before melting into my embrace, his head falling to my shoulder as I kissed his temple.

"I'm starved," he said, fingertips touching my arms around his stomach.

"How about some pizza?" I suggested.

* * *

_Logan's POV_

Although I was starving, I was glad to wait for the pizza to be delivered because I got to cuddle with James on the couch. I lay on my side against the back of the couch, him facing me on his side.

"I don't want to leave," I whispered sadly, and it was the truth. Looking into James' hazel eyes, feeling his warm arms around me, I realized that I wanted to be with James. Not just for this week of my vacation- forever.

Sadly, I was leaving at 5 AM the next morning.

"Then don't," James whispered back mischievously.

"It doesn't-" I began, but was hushed by a sweet kiss. After the kiss was over, I was silenced for a moment before saying, "I'm gonna miss you."

"I'll miss you, too," he said, hands rubbing up and down my sides. "We can talk on the phone and text. And Mom and I always go home for Thanksgiving and Christmas, so I'll see you then."

"That's so far away," I pouted, snuggling into his chest.

"Why don't you just go to school here," James asked teasingly, though I heard a hint of seriousness in his voice. "We could see each other every day. Go on dates, have sleepovers, maybe even eventually get an apartment together."

I hummed in contentment, snuggling even deeper into him.

"I would love that," I murmured.

"I mean, I don't want to control the course of the rest of your life, but… I _do _want _you_," he said. "I don't know anything about the college here, or what path you're taking to be a doctor, but I'd love to have you here."

"Tell you what," I said, propping myself up on an elbow to look down at him. "I'll consider it- like, really thinking about coming here for school- it you consider chasing your own dreams."

"What dreams?" James smirked curiously.

"Making it in Hollywood."

"Ha!" James laughed sarcastically. "Loge, that doesn't actually work for people."

"It will for you. You're beautiful, I know you can sing like an angel, and you're charming beyond belief. Can't you talk to your mom about it? I'm sure she has connections."

"My mom and I won't be on good terms after tomorrow," he said with a little laugh, shaking his head.

"Why?" I asked curiously, my request about James following his dreams forgotten. He seemed to stiffen up, his hazel eyes alight on mine, yet his face showed seriousness.

"I'm gonna come out to her," he said. "Tomorrow."

I grinned down at him, knowing this was the best option for him and he would be happier having done it.

"I'll think about it," he said with finality. "Maybe I can get some headshots done or something."

"Good. I know you'll do great at anything you put your mind to," I said softly, kissing him.

* * *

I was beyond glad to spend my last night with James making sure I remembered just how he felt about me. Well, that's what I thought at the time, anyway.

His legs were wrapped around my waist, arms around my neck. Of course I had never done this before- not even with a girl- but James wanted to try it just once before I left, since he had never been in his position before.

I inhaled the scent of his neck, memorizing it. My brain was on overdrive from trying to remember everything about him, since I had no idea when I would see him next.

"Right there," James whimpered, fingers raking up my back. "Don't stop."

I kissed his jaw, then his jugular vein, feeling his pulse vibrating like that of a rabbit. He was really aroused by me, wasn't he? He was actually getting pleasure out of what I was doing to him. That made me feel beyond good about myself, and hearing his whimpers crescendo into groans just added to that and made me even more aroused.

"Don't stop!" he almost yelled. "Yes! Right there!"

I heard myself start to grunt through my quickening breaths.

I closed my eyes, just wanting to capture the moment and live it forever. If I had it my way, James would be coming home with me indefinitely. But that wouldn't happen- maybe ever- and I had to take what I could. Making love seemed like a good thing to remember him by. Especially making love that was this intense- this arousing and memorable.

He sounded like he was almost reaching his climax, which made me feel the same way.

Then, before we even got to finish, my world ended.

"Jamie?" came a girlish yell through the apartment that I knew I had heard before. My thrusts slowed to a stop, unsure if I heard anything, but James's yells of pleasure had already ceased.

There was a second where I was puzzled, and just looked down to James, seeing that his sex-blushed cheeks were now pale.

* * *

_James's POV_

My brain scrambled for anything to do. I knew it was Mercedes that just entered, and she was roaming the apartment looking for me.

I considered telling Logan to hide in the closet, but what good would that do? Mercedes wasn't my concern- she could find out about Logan. But Logan could never find out about Mercedes.

It looked like it was too late, because now Mercedes was entering the room.

I think that moment was like dying. When someone has cancer, they fight and fight and fight until they realize there's nothing more that can be done to heal them. Then they sit back and let it happen- they let themselves die. I had been fighting all week to keep Logan oblivious to Mercedes. But now there was no way out. I had to sit back and let it happen.

This is what I got for being a cheating, lying bastard.

I looked up at Logan solemnly, just praying that somehow after all this he could forgive me and give me a kiss goodbye before he went home.

Before I could say anything, Mercedes screamed. I mean, screamed like she witnessed a murder or something.

Logan practically jumped out of his skin, darting away from me and covering himself beneath the blankets, staring at Mercedes in horror.

Then I just sat and watched as my world went crashing down.

* * *

_Logan's POV_

I was beyond mortified. Sex was a private thing, done behind locked doors with a person you care about and trust. I knew James felt the same way, and though the bedroom door was open, I knew he locked the apartment door, because I noticed that he always does.

I guessed it was normal that Mercedes had a key to the apartment. They had dated for a long time- he probably just didn't get around to collecting the key back.

I looked to James to find that his eyes were absent on the end of the bed.

"GET OUT!" Mercedes screamed, and I realized it was directed to me. "GET. OUT!"

I didn't move, knowing she had no right to kick me out. My heart was pounding with adrenaline, my cheeks burning in mortification.

"I WILL DRAG YOU OUT BY YOUR HAIR!" she continued, her heals clopping toward me. I tensed up and into James, and finally his head rose to her.

"Don't touch him," he said strongly, getting up. Mercedes' eyes were wide, scanning his body in shock, and I remembered that he said he had never had sex with her, therefore she had never seen him this way.

He pulled up his flannel PJ pants and his hands landed on her shoulders, but she ripped herself away.

"What the hell are you doing?" she squeaked angrily, eyes flashing from him to me and back again. "Are you cheating on me? With a _guy_?"

Cheating? When would this girl get it in her head that they were broken up? When would she understand that James was mine now, and she screwed up her chance with him?

"Mercedes, let me-"

"No, James, I understand what was going on!" she interrupted, a manicured hand bowing out to him. "Don't you love me?"

"No," he snapped. Her jaw dropped in disbelief, hand lying on her chest. He then turned to me, looking intense, but sorrowful. "Logan, Mercedes is my fiancé. I'm supposed to be getting married to her in a few months and I'm sorry."

I stared at James in disbelief, not knowing how to even process the information. Everything seemed to go into slow-motion, my brain droning out the voices arguing, as I was lost in my own world.

Mercedes started talking angrily, probably directed to me, but I just sat in the bed, staring at the blankets. Was this serious? This wasn't a dream, right? I hoped it was a dream- at least then I would wake up and all would be well…

Then my eye caught a ring on Mercedes's manicured hand. A huge diamond on her ring finger. And I knew it was true…

I got up, pulling my clothes on. I looked back to James, noticing that now Mercedes was in his face and they were yelling at one another. What they said, I don't know. I was feeling lost now, and was deafened by my heartbeat and the tornado of emotions in my head.

They didn't seem to notice me leaving, and I snapped out of my trance as the warm, salty California air rushed into my lungs as I left. I hurried down the apartment stairs, my heart rushing with angry thoughts.

_Who does he think he is? He can't just lie to me all week as I threaten to fall desperately in love with him, then on our last night together tell me he's engaged! How could I EVER feel so deeply about such an ASS? I should have seen this coming- nobody THAT gorgeous and perfect would ever feel anything for someone like me. _

I reached the bottom of the outdoor apartment complex and stomped to the sidewalk. I had no mode of transportation home, but I didn't care. I could walk the five miles back to the hotel. I hadn't got ten feet away before I heard my name be called from the balcony of the apartment building. I walked faster, not wanting to even see James right now, and pretended not the hear.

But he was faster than I anticipated, and his hand appeared at my shoulder, sending me into a frenzy.

"Don't!" I snapped, whirling around and staring at him, eyes fiery.

* * *

_James's POV_

My mouth dropped open as I stared into Logan's eyes. Though he just screamed at me not to touch him or even talk to him, his eyes told me that he was heartbroken.

"Let me explain," I said softly, though I had nothing to explain. For a second his features seemed to soften and I was sure he would let me speak, but then his face hardened and he whirled around. His fists were clenched as he stormed down the sidewalk, and I followed close behind. "Look at me, Loge! I'm chasing you down the sidewalk in my fucking underwear! That alone should tell you just how much you mean to me!"

Logan didn't respond, and I felt my throat start to close up in realization that tonight was our last together, and it all came crashing down because of Mercedes. I was about to lose Logan forever, and I knew I deserved it.

"Logan, please!" I pleaded, tears rushing to my eyes, but not spilling. "I've never felt this way for anyone before, and I feel like absolute shit that it turned out like this!"

Logan's hand rose to his face and the back of his hand furiously wiped at something, and my heart shattered at the realization that he was crying.

"I'm breaking it off ASAP!" I insisted, rushing to stop him by standing before him. "I was going to choose you over making my mom happy by marrying Mercedes. That's all it was. I don't love her, and I never will. I was just marrying her for Mom."

Logan's dark eyes met mine for a moment, seemingly melting, and I was sure he was going to calm down and talk to me about this.

"You saved me, Logan. From a miserable life," I whispered. "You can't leave me now."

Logan tried to push past me, angry again, and my hands snapped out to constrain him- my last attempt.

"GET OFF OF ME!" he yelled, shoving me away with strength I didn't know he had. Shocked, I watched him hurry away.

He was about ten feet away before he looked over his shoulder, his eyes full of tears as a few already streaked his face. That final look he gave me burned into my brain, ready to show itself when I closed my eyes at night, to make me forever remember when I hurt such an innocent soul.

* * *

_Logan's POV_

I stormed into the hotel room after a short cab-ride, finding that Kendall and Carlos were there- Carlos on my bed, Kendall on his own, and they were talking like schoolgirls.

The chatter cut off as I threw open the drawers and started to toss things into my suitcase in an unkempt manner.

"Logie?" Kendall asked apprehensively, and a hand lay on my shoulder. I jumped and whirled around, completely tense and ready to fight.

"Don't touch me!" I exploded. Kendall's hand retracted and he stared at me in surprise.

"What's going on?" he asked slowly.

My eyes darted to Carlos, who was staring at me in confusion, to Kendall.

"Was it… James?" Carlos finally asked softly.

"I hate him!" I ranted, turning back to the drawer and continuing packing. "FUCKING HATE HIM!"

"Loge! What did he do to you?" Kendall demanded, turning me around roughly to look at him. "Did he hurt you?"

"Yeah! He hurt me real fucking bad!"

"Logan… I'm so sorry," Carlos said, getting up. "I need to go to him… I'm sure he's upset."

I rolled my eyes angrily, shaking my head. I didn't watch as Carlos left but as soon as the door was closed, Kendall's eyes were firm on mine.

"What did he do?" he demanded. "I'll kill him."

I shook my head, not wanting to talk about it, and his hand roughly forced my face to look at him.

"What did he do?"

I looked up at him and felt my heart crumble.

"He's getting married," I said softly.

Kendall pulled me into him, rubbing my back soothingly, but I could feel the anger radiating off of him. I knew he wanted me to tell him the whole story, but he knew now that I was crying too hard to speak.

* * *

_James's POV_

It felt like Logan tore out my heart and carried it out with him, leaving me bleeding and helpless without him. It hurt so bad, simply because I knew he was destroyed. I saw it in his eyes, past the intense anger.

I entered my apartment to find that Mercedes was still there, mumbling angrily to herself, mascara running down her face with her tears. Okay, now I felt even worse. No matter how much I hated Mercedes, somehow I knew the tears were real and she was actually hurt by all this.

"What are you doing?" I asked tiredly, watching Mercedes twist at her ring in the kitchen. I noticed that there was a tub of butter on the counter beside her.

"Taking this ring off," she said, her voice shaky. I got closer, and my heart sort of broke a little more seeing that she was crying. This was real, for once in her life. She wasn't doing it for attention. She was genuinely hurt.

"I'm sorry that you had to see that, Mercedes," I said softly.

"Me, too."

The ring finally came over her knuckle and she put it on the counter, not looking at me.

"James, I'm sorry, but I can't marry you," she said. Of course I wasn't sad about it- I was a little relieved that I didn't have to hurt her feelings any more by breaking up with her.

"I can't marry you, either."

Mercedes soon left without much to say, for once in her life, and emotions hit me like a Mac truck.

Mercedes just walked in on the best sex I ever had with the best man I've ever met. Then I was forced to tell that man, Logan, that I was engaged. He left, and I don't know when or even if I'll ever see him again. Then Mercedes ended up being pretty hurt that I was cheating on her and broke up with me before leaving in tears. Now I was left with nothing but my own broken heart.

I felt like I was gonna puke.

I hurried to the bathroom, but nothing happened, so I leaned against the sink.

I looked at myself in the mirror, seeing some disgusting, lying, cheating scumbag.

* * *

_Carlos's POV_

I opened James's door and called for him, worried that he ran away or was hanging by a belt in his closet.

"JAY?" I called, closing the door. The apartment looked normal- nothing was awry.

"In the bathroom!"

I hurried to the bathroom, afraid that he would be lying in a tub of his own blood or there would be an empty medicine bottle lying on the floor beside him. I don't know why I thought he was going to kill himself. He didn't have a history of suicide attempts or even depression. Maybe it was because I knew Logan meant so much to him. Logan was the man who was going to save him from a life of Hell. Logan was the person that James might very well have fallen in love with in just a few days. Now he was just gone.

But James wasn't trying to kill himself in the bathroom. He was just staring at himself, looking exhausted and mortified.

"Hey," I said softly. "I heard."

"I'm not having a very good day," James said pitifully. "Well, it started out great. I had sex twice today. Then fucking Mercedes decided to just come over unannounced… And destroyed everything."

Then he turned to me, and we looked into each other's eyes and simply moved in for an embrace.

"I fucked up, and I don't know how to fix it," he said softly, and I knew he was trying to conceal tears. I had never really seen him cry, because we weren't the type of friends that Kendall and Logan were, but I got a feeling we would be by the end of this.

I took James to his bedroom and we lay in his bed. I knew he and Logan previously had sex in it, which grossed me out, but that wasn't important. What was important was taking care of my best friend.


End file.
